The Spinecrackers

Pictures of You, Pictures of Me

2011-03-01T13:37:00.000-08:00

(George Tooker, Self-Portrait, 1947; unknown MySpace picture)

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I used to take a lot of self-pics. As soon as I got my hands on my first digital camera (circa 1999 - cost $150 and was 1.5 megapixels), I was snapping pictures of myself on a weekly basis.

A lot of my self-pics can be chalked up to body image issues that come tucked inside your first box of Tampax Slenders. Only instead of stuffing my bra in front of my mirror, asking "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret," or furiously stabbing my autograph hound, I could put on a shitload of make-up and post to my LiveJournal! "Got a new dress," I'd coyly write. Yeah right, bitch - these are clearly the product of two hours worth of careful staging.

The other night, prior to applying my acne cream (still young after all these years!), I was thinking about how I haven't taken a self-pic - a serious self-pic - in a while. Maybe it's because I don't think I am as cute as I did when I was 16, but hey! some of the best pictures I have of myself, I took my.self. No one knows your face better than you, right?

(Cindy Sherman - queen of "don't call them self-portraits because they're not actually me" self-portraits)

Then I was thinking how cool it would be if self-portraits could be a Spinecracker project. So here's your mission, if you choose to accept: take some legitimate self pics. No PhotoBooth, no camera in the mirror or over your head, just good self pics. Pretend you met someone FINE in your favorite AOL chat room, and you're adding an attachment. Or, just take a cool picture.

instant play recommendations

2011-01-26T09:03:00.000-08:00

who knew i'd join the ranks of netflix whores? the instant option is weakening our ADD-addled society!! softening my brain! worsening my loss of long-term memory! and yet, it's exposed me to precious films i'd never have found otherwise. plus, it's nice to have something on while i'm sewing. so as per ashley's request a few posts ago, here is my list of favorite instant downloads, in no particular order:

I. slaves of new york
precious bernadette peters plays an artist's girlfriend trying to find her niche in the new york art scene. her outfits are amazing, her asshole boyfriend is really hot, and there's a steve buscemi cameo.** correction, this for some reason is no longer on instant play, but i still recommend watching it. sorry guys...
II. the eyes without a face
if any of you like B-movie horrors, this french film is a beautifully made one, about a young girl whose face has been mangled in a car wreck. the shots are eery, the fashion fun to look at. i don't want to give away the story, but if ya'll recall the framed photo of the bandaged girl on my tv shelf, the still is taken from this movie...III. daddy long legs
i have a thing for fred astaire. he's so graceful, and classy, and a little cheeky too. my heart throbs when he taps his toes. add the dazzling frenchie leslie caron (who is a classically trained ballerina as well), awesome set design, dance sequences and costumes, well just stick a fork in me cause i'm done.IV. radiant child
documentary about the artist jean-michel basquiat. a talented young artist in new york, who literally went from homelessness to dating madonna and acting as warhol's bestie... after watching this i was very inspired to draw and paint, then angry because i cannot do either of those things... but still. watch it!V. last tango in paris
a 70s marlon brando flick. follows the intense, almost brutal?, sexual relationship between a young lady and marlon, in paris. i'm a brando fan, to begin with (on the waterfront?!?! i die), and this semen-ted it for me. heheVI.ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous stains
long before diane lane mellowed out in middle age to make 'under the tuscan sun,' she made this killer teen movie as the front girl for a punk band, the stains. aside from the the girl-band inspiration, outfits are noteworthy, as are makeup tips, her fuck-it 'tude, and her man♥♥♥VII. play it again, sam
a woody allen film, what list is complete without one? am i right? the acting is particularly silly, diane keaton's outfits are quirky (this was pre-annie hall), and it was filmed HERE IN THE BAY AREA!! all over san francisco, a few spots in the north bay too. this is my favorite WA film, fo' realzies.VIII. the thing called love
one those almost-too-cheesy to watch girl trying to make big it movies. ALMOST. i loved it for many reasonz: sweet sandra bullock, miranda's very 90's outfits, it was filmed in my 2nd favorite city: nashville, and riverrrrrr phoeeeenixxx. listen for miranda's song about big blonde country hair...IX.phoebe in wonderland
elle fanning is adorable, and far easier to watch than dakota, in my personal opinion. a sweet story about childhood, coping mechanisms, and alice in wonderland. with a stellar cast: felity huffman (in a wig? still not sure), patricia clarkson in heidi braids :) and bill pullman, with familiar classy comb-back.X. fritz the cat
the title should be "being paul goins." an animation based on an R. crumb comic, this kitty has lots of sex, tries lots of drugs, and talks about the revolution, while making friends with all sorts of other animals...

Vaudeville or brothel? You decide!

2011-01-24T19:45:00.000-08:00

I just realized I never shared this picture, when the whole reason I took it was to share it!

Anyway, last time I was in Chicago, I was rifling through a box of family photos when I came across this:

(Sorry for the cruddy quality - it is indeed a picture of a picture)

ANYWAY, I ripped it out of the box and waved it around. "WHO ARE THESE LADIES???" I demanded to know. Apparently the lady in the stripes on the far left is my great grandma Milton (!!!) with her "vaudeville troupe". Apparently the Miltons were vaudevillians by trade, but something about this photo (thigh highs? lollipops?) makes me think these ladies are selling more than song-and-dance routines.

Regardless of the dubious origins, I love this picture and my great grams stripey one piece.

I want to "come on down" for my birthday!

2011-01-19T11:23:00.000-08:00

I know this post is a little premature, but I really want to go to the Price is Right this year for my bday! The day I would like to go is Monday, June 20th. If you get 15 or more people you are guaranteed a seat inside, so no camping overnight is necessary! I hope you all will accompany me on this gaming adventure. Also, please submit shirt/outfit ideas :) I'll make an event at a later date through facebook, but I am just pumped and wanted to share my excitedness with you all!

"youth is wasted on the youth"

2011-01-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

I guess you could say life is an adventure, but I disagree when I'm surrounding myself with food and laying in bed at 2pm to watch a movie I've seen 789 times. In my daydreams, I'm packing up Cameron, quitting our jobs and setting sail on the open road with no destination in sight. Yes, this is my 30th birthday year in case I haven't complained enough about it. And to be perfectly honest, I'm kinda freakin. My uneasiness lies in time....it's flyin the fuck past me and I can't live in the moment. I'm constantly looking towards the future and what it will be like and the things I need to do to prepare for it and yadayadayada, well this is my god damn future right now that I seem to be so preoccupied with.
I need to take a break from my uptight, annoyingly practical, guilt ridden, moody demeanor and throw all of my neuroses out the literal, yet figurative, window to see the person I can be without those things. Whether or not this changes me, I'll know that at least I tried and explored and let go and that has to mean something, to me that is. I want to force myself to tough it out in the middle of nowhere. I get paranoid and whiny and all I can think about is the luxuries of taking a bath and eating a snickers from a mini bar. I've never even been camping and I'd like to blame my parents for this, but I have too many fun memories in hotel rooms to be troubled by it. and ya know what? on a side note, blaming your parents for your problems is for suckers. Your parents are just people too and it's not my mom's fault that I never tasted a pear for the first 25 years of my life. She never liked pears, so she never had them in the house, big whoop. I'm an adult now and I can eat a pear whenever I feel like it (which is never because I tasted one and blaaaaahg they're gross). Point being, I just need to learn what my 30s are going to be all about and not live them like I'm in my 20s.

Things I need for a road trip that would make me feel enlightened:
1. Cameron. Honestly, I'd like to see what we're both capable of.
2. bali shag (I'm thinking about investing in a pipe)
3. Oscar Wilde books. I've been diggin the shit outta him lately. I always knew I would like him once I got around to reading his stuff, but I had no idea how we'd actually fall deeply in love
4. illuminating road trip music that makes me feel smart, like Joanna Newsom, Edith Piaf, or Hank Williams Sr.
5. cameras of all sorts. polaroid cameras, film cameras, digital cameras, toy cameras, video cameras
6. my ukulele and a harmonica for Cameron. possible scenario: sitting by a riverbed playing some Leadbelly
7. one of those beautiful handkerchiefs that women used to tie around their hair/head to ride in a convertible (this should be #1 on my list)

I think I'm in-between stages right now.
"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." -Oscar Wilde

Thoughts on turning 30? Road trips? Music that makes you feel smart?

tiny maids a milkin

2011-01-12T14:18:00.000-08:00

I know this is an awkward 2005 style photo booth picture, but I just wanted to show my new favorite hair style for the last 20 mins. Since it's dark in my apartment, I had to stare lovingly into my own eyes while tilting towards to the window to be able to catch a glimpse. I flippin love milkmaid braids, but seriously my hair is too heavy to hold it up all day long (see my burden I have to carry Sarah!). SO I made some little milkmaid braids underneath my hair for a little headband of braids. This may be old news, BUT IT'S NEW TO ME! Is it cute enough to wear my hair down to work and risk lice? I think so! Plus I'm hoping it won't look so bad in a low pony with the braids. But anEway, that's my new news. You guys got any new news? Like some instant netflix movie suggestions? Or a new product you tried from Trader Joe's? I'm always look for a head's up on those.

tea bagging

2011-01-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

Hello Dawlings.....
If you know me at all, you know it is few and far between that I drink tea, coffee, hot chocolate, blah blah and blah, basically anything other than water and my morning juice. BUT I would like to share the only tea that I will put my pursed bitchy lips to and actually enjoy it. I first discovered it a couple years ago through my Aunt who found it at Bristol Farms. We have almost the exact same taste in food, so I trust her opinion like no other. Then like so many things in my life, just as I started to like it, it became impossible to find at any stores anywhere, like nowhere, nothing, gone. One of the last few times I was back home, my Aunt shared the secret of the internet with me. You can find this bomb ass tea on Amazon! I was given a box to drink at my leisure. Being the sweet girlfriend that I am, I told Cameron he should try it. He liked it a little too much, and being the sneaky girlfriend that I am, I had to hide it from him. I've since taken it out of hiding. He knows now I'm savoring it and he must only drink it if he's fiending for it, until I surrender to the man and spend money. If you're as finicky as me, you might enjoy it. Or you might just think it tastes like god damn regular ass tea.

http://www.amazon.com/ST-DALFOUR-Breakfast-1-75-Ounce-25-Count/dp/B000LKUA7M/ref=reg_hu-rd_add_1_dp_T2

P.S.
This is Gwen when she was 30. Do you think we would've been friends with her?

2010-12-28T21:28:00.000-08:00

I'd like to share my special Christmas present with all of my kindred spirits (sorry, I just watched Anne of Green Gables). This year in my family, we did it secret santa style. I asked if everyone was cool with a handmade gift, which to my surprise, I got one giant thumbs up across the board. On this 2010 xmas morn, I opened my prez, and lo and behold, it was a handmade present. My grandma wrote me a poem and had it framed. She reminisces with me FREQUENTLY (as only grandma's do) about how I used to love when she'd get me sailor dresses, which has led her to forever think of me when she sees anything having to do with sailors, the sea, etc. So I knew from the title that this poem was going to make me feel gut wrenching love for her, and could quite possibly bring me to tears in the middle of a large group of nosey italians. I made it through with a knotted throat and clenched teeth. She emailed it to me later "just in case." She's written piles of poems, gotten published in newspapers, magazines, etc., and I feel honored that she took the time to write this one just for me.

The Little Girl in a Sailor Dress

Reminiscent of sailing

a drifting away she would

one day do

As though we knew

we dressed her

in sailor dresses

The quick smiles

the giggles

laughter like small waves rippling

in a stream

The dreamer whose eyes looked

into distance

beckoning the world to be hers

so we dressed her

in sailor dresses

The faraway looks

that exposed her soul

We had to have seen it all

The seafarer

eager to set sails

on foreign shores

magic cities to capture

Sinbad, her secret lover

enticing her with stories

of lands to be explored

mountains to climb

and rivers to cross

But it was not yet to be

too many moons had still

to glide across translucent skies

for the Little Girl in a Sailor dress

Time now

unwrapped

Her wayfaring heart

eager to pause

to rest

in a city by the sea

while her eyes set on new horizons

to explore promises made

by the Little Girl in a Sailor Dress

grams 1942

Lady love: Nina Hagen

2010-12-19T13:56:00.001-08:00

("Born in Xixax" - my favorite Nina Hagen song)

Reconsidermentfactor

2010-12-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

New Years Attempts for 2011!
I'm not much into resolutions, but I AM into trying to make myself a better person as best I know how. SO I MADE A LIST!

1. Accept the grey areas. I'm an extremist that physically can't wrap my brain around a grey area (think of bacon wrapped dates). It's all or nothing, balls to all the walls, black or white, do or die, etc., etc.. (hence my catch phrase, "fuck it").

2. Would you like some pasta with your cheese? I'm going to try, just TRY, to eat less cheese. This food makes me so physically, emotionally, longitudinally, latitudinally happy/high while I'm eating it, that I could never give it up. I just know it's contributing heavily (literally) to my chubbiness over the years. So instead of half a brick of cream cheese on my bagel, it'll be a quarter. Instead of 30 tbls of parmesan on my pasta, it'll be 15. It's a start!

3. Make learning more of a process. I solely blame the internet for not retaining anything I learn from it. I really don't spend a lot of time surfing the net, but it's definitely awoken from it's r.e.m. sleep to tell me the names of the three chipettes. Real dictionary vs. online dictionary is a good place to start for me.

4. Subduing my baditude/sass mouth/red hot temper: We've all got one in there somewhere, mine just happens to reside in my frontal cortex controlling all of the my thoughts and actions. Sometimes it comes in handy, some (most) times it gets me in trouble. I can't even tell you how many things I've secretly smashed, openly broken, or just plain smacked up until the age of 20. I've turned my temper into nervous laughing which has been a pretty cool alternative I guess. Thus began my 20s of crass/rude/blunt commentary which would result in me thinking, "shit why did I just say that!" It's not to hurt anyone's feelings, it's stating my loudmouth opinion. The last year or so, I've been noticing that I'll say my usual shit but not feel my usual tinge of regret. Which is GOOD, but I just need to be more polite BEFORE opening my mouth. If only I could learn how to phrase things nicely. But just because I don't regret it, doesn't mean that it's right, right guys?

5. NO LIFE STANDARDS 2011!!!: For example: Do I want kids? Do I want kids because I feel like I should? Do I NOT want kids because that will make me apart of the elite mommy's club where mommy's can look down on what an easy life women without kids have? What do EYE want?!?! I may have never had a childhood dream about my wedding dress, but I've definitely always wanted kids. I just need to remember what I genuinely want, for realz!

Things I like to do, but could do more often for 2011's sake:

* wearing colors other than grey, black, light black, dark grey, greyish black (I love this, I just don't need to exclude every other color from my wardrobe)
* makeup/hair care/general grooming - I can't make any promises, but I'll try because it can be FUN
* keeping my house cleaner due to surprise guests
* write my dear Katherine more letters
* call my mother, father, grandmother, and aunt more often. Basically everyone in my family except Annie (since I talk to her like every freakin second of the day. am I saying it like it's a bad thing? I can't tell.)
* embracing my Italian culture to an even more annoying extent by learning how to cook every Italian meal I can muster.
* seeking out new music that isn't a one hit wonder, or some indie crap that I think I should like, but don't.

What are YOUR reconsidermentfactors for 2011??????

Thrift America??? or God Damn You, Alexa Chung

2010-12-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

Old news to any Spinecracker who frequents Jezebel, but apparently "it girl" Alexa Chung is getting an Antiques Roadshow-style series on PBS. The premise? Hold on to your butts...

"On the show, [Chung] and Maya Singer, the series creator and the editor of special projects for Style.com, will comb the country's consignment shops, garage sales and flea markets for old clothing, furniture, music equipment and other potential treasures to use in various creative endeavors."

My first reaction was "pissed." Why the hell is the lady getting to live my/our dream? But then there was something that felt creepy about it to me.

There's an argument here about shopping in thrift stores because it's cool versus it being the only thing you can afford that is so trite that I'll not go into it here. But the "treasure hunting" spin adds a subtext of "There's good shit in here and these people are too stupid to realize it!!!" that rubs me the wrong way.

Granted, almost anyone who thrift shops would describe it as "treasure hunting," but the "treasure" is always subjective (my current "treasure" is a Chicago Bulls three-peat shirt). The subjective treasure is what makes thrift store shopping (for fun, not necessity) so great. From the descriptions I've read, it sounds like Chung's "treasure" is designer items and shit that's temporarily in style. Not to pose a Carrie Bradshaw-esque question, but when do we stop being thrift hunters and start being thrift poachers?

That said, I totally want to see this show. I can't be too much of an asshole about something that's not even on the air yet. But in my dreams, the show would offer thrifting tips that aren't ruled by someone's personal style (e.g. checking furniture for bed bugs, seasoning abused cast iron cookware) and would be hosted by all of us.

I think that I would die

2010-12-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

After this hot mess....

and before this even hotter mess....

there was this absolutely perfect band. Notice the difference? It's Kristen Pfaff (all the way on the left). She had nothing to do with songs called Garbage Man and Teenage Whore, or agreed to have an album called Celebrity Skin. Kristen was apart of the wicked awesome album we actually grew to love Hole for, Live Through This. That might be the most listened to album that has ever been listened to (by me). It's an unspoken fact that Kurt Cobain wrote all of Courtney Love's songs on that album, but to me, the band wouldn't have been the same without Kristen Pfaff. She died of a heroin overdose when she was 27 and I was a fragile 13. She was later replaced by Melissa Aurfdermurfsmurfturd.....FAIL. Kristen was my "kind of goth kind of not" hero. She was my favorite before I had to settle for Courtney Love. She was the reason I died my hair black for my 8th grade graduation. She's probably still the reason I am fond of wearing black to this day. I'd like to commemorate her, and the only original O.G. cast of Hole on this cold, foggy morning....

Annette Funicello is spinning in her grave.

2010-11-08T12:25:00.000-08:00

And can't forget Charlotte

2010-10-29T12:59:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrWN0-MuK38

I guess my current girl crush is on Katy Perry

2010-10-29T12:24:00.000-07:00

this video is cheesy good to me and i kinda really love the song :)

http://vimeo.com/16307617

Music rec: Twin Shadow!

2010-10-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

Been diggin' this dude's style and wanna share that style with you.

Twin Shadow is the name, and being a dope ass one-man-band is his game. He hails from Brooklyn and sounds like a Greatest Hits collection of all those bands everyone loves, but don't hold that against him! Let's not kid ourselves - this is pop music. But I like the vibe and really enjoy his singing voice.

Two selections for ya...

"Slow" - probably my favorite song at the moment

"Castles in the Snow"

I want to know more

2010-10-22T10:12:00.000-07:00

1. What are all four of your grandparents' names? Which ones of them are still alive?

2. What one song you like a lot right....NOW?

3. What band do you like a lot right...................MEOW?

4. What activities make you loose track of time?

5. Name five foods or beverages that have good memories attached to them?

6. If you could choose any celebrities to be your mom and dad, who would they be?

7. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

8. If you could live inside a movie, which one would it be?

9. How many legit cousins do you have? Do you know all of their names?

10. What's your favorite seasonal food you like to eat in winter? spring? summer? fall?

11. When you can't sleep, what do you do?

12. What is the next adventure you'd like to go on in the realistic near future?

13. What color do you think looks dreadful on you?

14. What are your two favorite colors to wear together?

15. At what age should someone have called the fashion police on you?

16. What sweet treat do you enjoy most lately?

17. How do you treat pennies? Do you save them? Throw them away?

18. What's one thing you won't skimp on when purchasing?

19. What's something you get mad at yourself for doing, but you do it anyway?

20. And most importantly, what's your favorite Disney movie?

Spinecrackers photoshoot

2010-10-17T15:03:00.000-07:00

Sarah Beth

Ashley Elizabeth

Megan Marie

Katherine "Tate" Kelly

Tianna Marie

Love n' shit

2010-09-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

Heylo ladies,

blah blah blah This American Life. Whatever! I gotta do it.

I just listened to a really nice episode (below) called Valentine's Day '98. I've been thinking a lot about love and death and separation lately. When I've had a really great time with Morgan I almost mourn it as it's leaving us. I keep thinking, 'these are the things I won't remember'. In our old age each of us will have a decent handful of memories of our experiences, but I'm greedy and I want all of them. A lot of what is going on right now we will not remember exactly or perhaps at all. I find myself getting sad about it! What a waste of time. Anyway, I'm trying to stay in the moment and live it, rather than getting sad.

I think that's why this episode really fell on my heart like a kid after jumping on a cal-king size bed. They focus on long-time loves. I won't bore you with all the details, but if you're up for it, have a listen. Oh! On a Spinecrackers note, I very much appreciate the writing in the first and last stories.

Warning: the last act is very descriptive, though quite beautifully, of the final stages of ones life as they battle cancer :( It's not like a boo hoo just for the sake of boo hooing story, but it is in there.

Gotta go,
XO
xo
exoh,
meegan

PEE ESS will someone please get some of this hair or what?

I got this image from this blog by searching for "love n shit"
http://www.thestylebitches.com/

Susan Powter stops insanity, only to return to it 15 years later

2010-09-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

Hands in the air if you remember Susan Powter.

I always thought she was kind of a babe with her tiny platinium hairs and saucy attitude. Almost a Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl if it weren't for that sneaking suspicion that she'd burn your house down, then make a weird phone call to your mom if you ever did her wrong.

If you don't remember Susan Powter, perhaps this'll JOG (haha get it? Fitness humor!) your memory:

(note: I really wanna get the choreography down at the 0:13 mark - "Diets. Don't. Work.")

Anyway, would you believe me if I told you that I had breakfast with Susan Powter yesterday?? And by "breakfast with", I mean I ate breakfast while watching her YouTube channel.

In the true spirit of this 90s revival that's supposed to be happening, Susan Powter is back. Turns out she's a fan of video blogging in public places, organic pears, and passive-aggressively scolding parents while they are standing right next to her. I'm not sure why, but I like her style. The way she repeats herself passionately and says ordinary words with great drama.

No longer championing the cause of stopping insanity, Susan Powter is now embracing it on YouTube. Please post your favorite Susan moments!

Fuck-it list

2010-08-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

A few days back, I got wind of this post wherein the blogess puts forth a modest proposal: the fuck-it list. We all know the basic premise of the bucket list; Megan even made a San Francisco bucket list post a few months back. The fuck-it list is the antithesis of the bucket list in its purest form: 5 things you know you DON'T want to do, ever, if your life. Particularly, things that seem important to other folks that you could care less about.

I've been chewing on this subject for a few days and here's what I've come up with:

1. Buying a new car - Every time I hear about someone buying a new car, my inner cheapass screams in horror. I think of taking $5000 and setting it on fire. I don't get it!

2. Having a big rack - Once I realized that my boobs were never, ever going to grow any more (even after a baby!), I figured it was time to make peace or find a good surgeon. And guess what, everyone? I'm almost to my goal of $5000! JK BFF.

3. Being rich - While my constant whining about how perpetually broke I am rightly suggests that I would like to be better off financially, I have zero desire to be filthy, stinkin' rich. It's overly romantic and problematic to go on about how "being poor adds character," but I do think it puts shit into perspective; a perspective where you realize you don't need a mansion because you don't want the hassle of buying all that furniture.

4. Getting lawfully wed - I picked this picture because I love a good wedding, and do think they can (and should!) be very beautiful. I just don't see myself ever getting married. Thankfully for me, the only thing about this fact that bums me out is missing out on getting nice cookware and towels.

And finally...
5. More kids - This one hurts a little. I always imagined that I'd have 2 kids, 2 years apart like my sister and I. I love kids. I love babies. I loved being pregnant. And I love being a mom. But I also love having free time. I love a social life. I love that Hanna's on autopilot now and can't imagine starting over with another one.

Your turn!

Friends!!

2010-08-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

Not those friends! Us friends!!

I was hanging out on my ol' livejournal and thought, "gee, I sure do miss those lj friend quizes". Then I thought, let's do it on our blog! Let's learn more about each other. It's a really long quiz, but I want to know all your details, girl. Pretend we're in 4th grade at a sleep over and we just made up a routine then hopped into our sleeping bags armed with a flashlight. Go!

Part 1
1. Where does your name come from? (why did your parent(s) pick it)
2. What is your favorite thing to do alone?
3. What do you consider your best quality? (non-physical)
4. What would you like to change about yourself? (non-physical)
5. What makes you think of your Mom?
6. What makes you think of your Dad?
7. What is your absolute favorite possession?
8. Where were you born?
9. Where do you consider "home"?
10. What did you want to be when you grew up?
11. What was your first driving around town music? (when you or one of your friends first got a car/license, what did you listen to?)
12. What is the scariest/most dangerous situation you've ever been in?
13. What makes you extremely happy?
14. What are your top five fears in order of severity?
15. How would you describe yourself at age 7 (5 words max)?
16. How would you describe yourself at age 14 (5 words max)?
17. How would you describe yourself at age 21 (5 words max)?
18. How would you describe yourself now (5 words max)?

Part 2
the next ten questions are courtesy of Inside the Actor's studio haha
19. What is your favorite word?
20. What is your least favorite word?
21. What turns you on?
22. What turns you off?
23. What sound or noise do you love?
24. What sound or noise do you hate?
25. What is your favorite curse word?
26. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
27. What profession would you not like to do?
28. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Part 3
29. What is your favorite quality in:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna

30. How would you describe in one word:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna

P.S. If there are people you don't know very well, just make something up :)

SEEEYAAAA in the comments section. bye.

Awkward phase (26-year-old edition)

2010-08-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

You know in a romantic comedy when the 57-year-old, pilates-obsessed stepmom is like, "You know, the older I get, the younger I feel" and everyone is thinking "UGH she's OBNOXIOUS"? No? Well, humor me for a minute here.

I'm gonna say it, everyone: the older I get, the younger I feel... and for the purpose of this melodramatic post, I mean that in the worst possible way.

One of the few clear memories I have from ~~childhood~~ the last 26 years is drawing a picture of what I would look like as an adult. In addition to thinking I would have long blonde hair, an extensive gown collection, big boobs, and better hygiene habits, I also thought I would look radically different. Considering this is what I was working with, can you blame me?

But as I grew older and - surprise! - just looked like an adult version of that and not an entirely different person, I slowly grew to accept that fate. Nonetheless, I have this version of "adulthood" that lingers. Adults are financially independent. Adults have loving monogamous relationships. Adults have tasteful and spartan decorating in their roomy, owned homes. Adults don't get regular pimples. And just for extra measure, I seem to be going through a 2nd awkward chubby phase.

Having a child is really the only way I feel like an adult, and I even question how well I do that. In so many ways, I long for that romanticized version of adulthood. Like some day I will just wake up and be 20 pounds lighter, have flawless, glowing skin, a respectable job, and a savings account (!!!!).

That's the American Way, ain't it? Just wish and it'll be so? I know to accomplish any of this crap, I need to actually work for it. Despite my seemingly spotty work ethic, I am indeed a firm believer in working hard toward things that really matter to you. So that leaves me in an awkward spot of asking myself, "how much does this actually matter to me?" Most of the items on my list are just BS norms and ideals, many rooted in the sexist, sizeist, classist, and ageist institutions I so staunchly oppose. It's awful seeing, and seeing clearly, that something is total bullshit, yet still giving it power to make you feel like a garbage can.

I don't have any answers really, and I'll assume that finding them comes with that mythical savings account. But I do have any audio pep talk. Ladies, for your consideration, I present "Take Me As I Am" by Mary J. Blige:

"Put my life all up in ~~these songs~~ this blog, just so you can feel me, so you can get the real me"

I feel like a total cheeseball when I talk about how much I love Mary J. Blige, but shit, she tells me what I need to hear, all too often. And for all its hysterics, I actually really love this video. As simple as the lyric is, I really feel Mary J. when she says "I can only be me" and that's what I need to remind myself of all the time.

It breaks my heart that all of us probably go through some version of this. It kills me to think that my beautiful, wonderful friends might also be over-analyzing their flaws; in my eyes, you're all perfect, just the way you are. But maybe I need to grant myself that same pass... maybe we all just need to take ourselves and each other as we are.

Things I love right now

2010-07-30T14:56:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello, hello, hellooo,
It's 1993 in my heart.

can't stop listening to:

just bought these bad boys. not my style. totally bad ass girl boots, so I tried to tone them down with a cameo brooch. going to pair them with these next:

______________________________________________________________________________________

Been munching on this shizz (THANKS TATE!) I think I'm going to make it this weekend at home:

I'm even having a tender phase toward c.lo. taking this pic to aveda tomorrow to get cut 'n' color:
side note: new favorite blog:
http://whatcourtneyworetoday.com/

also in heavy rotation:

annnnnnnd finally, this shit has changed my life!

I AM OBSESSED! It looks like colgate shaving cream or something, and it's only $6 at drug stores. It's a dry shampoo and it totally rules when you're a dirty bitch with greasy hair who has to look big business every day. It's also awesome for when you are actually ontop of your shit and have that dreaded, fluffy, freshly washed-can't do anything with it kinda hair. LOVE LOVE LOVE. It also smells like heaven. Just saying. Quit paying $25 for shitty dry shampoo from sephora, and quit being ghetto (like me up until I discovered this) and stop putting baby powder on your roots. It's bomb. Trust.

Update on my favorite nail polish everrrrrr. Essie made a new color that I thought was comparable, called turquoise and caicos. I am sad to report that though it's a lovely shade. It just doesn't compare to my beloved Greenport. Sad face. TOO GREEN. :(

Kiki D

2010-07-27T10:21:00.000-07:00

Kirsten Dunst is my celebrity girl crush. I know she's not the greatest of actresses, or the prettiest of vampires, but I love her and will see any movie she's in and buy any magazine she's on the cover of. Some of my Kiki D favorites include Little Women, Dick, Spiderman(s), Kiki's Delivery Service, Fifteen & Pregnant, All I Wanna Do, Get Over It, Drop Dead Gorgeous, and BRING IT ON!!!

Whose your favorite celebrity girl crush ONTD?

all day I dream about femspiration

2010-07-24T11:55:00.000-07:00

LAURA PALMER (Twin Peaks)

"...and then your body would just burst into fire. And the angel's wouldn't help you, cause they've all gone away..."

Yes, I was apart of the Twin Peaks craze. I've watched every episode and seen the movie a chamillionaire times. I wanted to be Laura Palmer. She lived on the edge so hard that she didn't care if it killed her. HOW COOL IS THAT?? She kept a secret journal behind her dresser and would smoke in her room when her parents weren't home and do cocaine in the bathroom of high school and had an older boyfriend that rode a motorcycle and a best friend that was freaked out when she'd talk about burning through space. She was the high school beauty queen that lived a double life by fleeing to Canada to do cocaine and sleep with dudes and dance the night away. Ugh, too cool.

MONA LISA VITO (My Cousin Vinny)

"You fucking shower, I'll get your fucking suit."

I recently re-watched this movie and forgot I much I love this woman. I love all of her clothes, her hankering for chinese food, her pool playing skills, her fake nails, her attitude, her pink camera, and her HAIR!

CLEMENTINE KRUCZYNSKI (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

"I'm telling you right off the bat I'm high maintenance"

Clementine's an impulsive wreck that is a free spirit in the most non-hippy of ways. She's got pretty cool hair, pretty cool clothes, and a pretty cool apartment. She's bold, needy, spontaneous, talks fast, and most importantly, she's intensely in love, just the way I like it. To me, there is no other kind. Complete and utter consumption.

LAYLA (Buffalo 66)

"If you were my son, I would be really proud of you."

I have such a soft spot for martyrs. Allowing yourself to be kidnapped because you're attracted to your kidnapper is totally something I would do. She tap dances and likes hot cocoa and snuggling. I want to be her friend and drive in her shifter car with her.

ANDIE WALSH (Pretty in Pink)

"You know you're talking like that just because I'm going out with Blaine."

"Pretty in Pink" is by far my most favorite 80s movies. The fact that she doesn't choose Duckie still blows my mind everytime. People seem to think that "The Breakfast Club" or "Sixteen Candles" were Molly Ringwald's more memorable movie rolls. Well all I have to say is, fuck those movies. She works at a record store! Did you hear me? She's in high school and works at a record store! She's got the most gorgeous guy with the most wicked style after her (I'm talkin about Duckie, not Blaine). She makes her own clothes, lives on the wrong side of the tracks, drives a sweet car, and goes to clubs she's too young to get into. High school dream #147

VERONICA SAWYER (Heathers)

"Well, it's just like - they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit."

She has more one-liners than you can shake a stick at and uses a monocle to write in her journal! Enough said.

Mother's Day

2010-07-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

I know it's not Mother's Day! (that's Linda Jansky up there)

You may have noticed that I listen to This American Life everyday. In fact, I've gone through just over 10 years of This American Life episodes and I wish there were 50 more ready for me now. Anyway, most of them are awesome. Some are weak. Some make me LOL and some cause me to tear up and even cry. Some do that in the same g'damn episode. This one did that. There are many better episodes, but for whatever reason this one pushed me to share it with you. It's an hour long, so I understand if you can't devote the time.

The Prologue is sad and thoughtful. I will be considering the book it was excerpted from for my book club pick.

If all you can listen to is part of it, listen to the first act because that was hilarious. I love the way Jonnifer (sp?) imitates the way her Mom woke her sister up and wish someone would wake me up in the same manner.

"Act One. She Said, She Said.
Producer Alex Blumberg conducts an investigation, perhaps the first ever, into this American subspecies: People who compulsively imitate their mother's voices in everyday conversation, well into adulthood. (18 minutes)"

The second act is heart-wrenching to hear, but rewarding at the same time.

"Act Two. Are You My Mommy?
When Jessica Robinson was sent to adult prison at the age of 14, the state did such a terrible job taking care of her that several women—an embezzler, a convicted murderer, and some thieves—stepped in to mother her. Alex Kotlowitz reports. Seven thousand young people like Jessica are now in adult prisons nationwide. (21 minutes)"

The third one was so very sweet. I want to record the Mother singing so I can fall asleep to it.

"Act Three. Mom Music.
Beau O'Reilly and his mother Winifred, who had 14 children, discuss her secret feelings about Johnny Cash and other matters on Mother's Day. (9 minutes)"

The episode is linked below. Free streaming!
This American Life

P.S. feel free to spam with mom pics!!! :) :) :) :) :) :)

From one gal to another

2010-07-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

Over the last few months there was a small blip of time when I had a tiny bit of extra cash. I decided to take care of two things that were really bothering me:

1. my g'damn skin
2. my g'damn uncomfy and years old bra supply

Lemme tell ya, I finally got it right on both accounts. First, I started with my skin. I bought a combination of crap this girl at Sephora told me about. I thought, why not? No one else knows what they're talkin about re: my skin. I went all in and boy oh boy it really helped. I mean, there are some problem areas that don't go away (for me) without harmones (Kate's grandma says that so she doesn't have to say "whore" + "moans"). Basically, my chin area still provides a pimple or two at the most around lady time, but the severity is decreased and things seem to go away with less of a fight. The other part of it is I vowed not to pick my face anymore. I love picking my face :\. It's how I relieve stress :( Anyway, the combination of the two seem to really be helping my situation. I know at least one of these super expensive products is working because my skin looks and feels softer, clearer, smoother and fresher. No joke. While in that short amount of time, I bought up what I could in bulk on ebay so I wouldn't be without it when my cash flow turned from a stream into a mist. Without further ado:

1. Peter Thomas Roth AHA/BHA Acne Cleansing Gel ($45!!) It's really fuckin expensive, but so far it has lasted me 4ish months and I still have 1/3 left in the bottle. It eats the skin off my face and I couldn't be happier. I think this is the actual working element here.

2. Peter Thomas Roth Fab Four ($35!!) This was also expensive, but I felt like I got a lot for my money (in Sephora dollars anyway). I JUST ran out of the moisturizer and powder and am nearly done with the two facial cleansers. The scrub is out of this world. It feels really gentle and when you're done you're smoooth. I started using the srub on my shoulders and upper back and even that seemed to get better.

So that's my thing there. I hate having to spend that kind of money on my stupid face, but after years and years and probably more money than I'd like to know, I've decided it's better to fork it over for something you know works. Plus, Sephora will take anything back.

Now, for the bra. I don't need to tell you how uncomfy bras are because you already know! They are the worst! I hate wearing them. My friend Sara told me that her Mom would pick her up from school and then immediately rip her bra off from under her shirt while driving and throw it in the back. My kinda lady. Anyway, I stumbled upon a Spanx bra that promised no underwire and to provide comfort without tossing on a sports bra (see the entire last year of my life). I went for it and it does not dissapoint! I wish it were a little smaller around ye ol' ribs, but it's pretty perfect. It offers a little bit of shape, which is a mystery because it is made from panty hose material going in different directions. There is ZERO over the bra skin/fat/muscle/what have you which makes me so happy because that is the most uncomfy feeling. I love it! Wearing it makes me feel like I'm on the sofa watching Oprah all day long. CONS: ugly, ugly color.

Check it:

Don't let that lady's boobs fool you, it doesn't provide THAT much shape. It comes pretty close though!

That's all for now. I'm not trying to get you to go out and buy anything, but I am a firm believer in word of mouth and sharing when something actually works in this good-for-nothin-advertising-run-market.

yous

2010-07-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

the part of you i have
the part of you i hide
the parts of you i hold
the parts you left behind

call on me
i'll be there always

I like to listen to this album as loud as I think my neighbors can stand and move my body to the music and feel the beats in a serious and thoughtful way.

I just went through the blog and commented on everything I marked in my mind to revisit. I realize that I haven't been super present as of late and I'd like to apologize to you. I wanted to remind you that even when I'm quiet, I'm here and I'm your friend. I haven't been the best friend and I'm sorry. I don't feel great. Things are changing. It makes me sad. As I'm looking forward to moving and getting out of this city I simultaneously love and can't stand, I find myself trying to avoid thinking about anything here. I need the change to be quick and final, but it drags on. I feel like I can't think here. Like I can't go outside and run around. I'm like an anxious dog that should not be in an apartment on Geary Street.

I know I will look back on this time here with you as one of the best times of my entire life. Already, everything we've experienced together seems larger than life. Don't give up on me yet. I'm still here. I'm sorry I've been negative. It feels like months have gone by and I haven't noticed. I know it's not like we'll never talk to each other again, but you know, we are going in different directions. I love people more than I let on and then miss them greatly. In high school, I'd get depressed every year when summer let out because I knew I wouldn't see everyone over the summer. That's kind of what this feels like. I feel like there is something good for me that I'm in need of on the other side of this, but I have to leave my friends to get there. ugh.

Anyywayyy, sorry for the dramatics. It's one of those nights. I love you. Back to work for me.

Megan

"...the album I made... LYING DOWN"

2010-07-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

I can't say enough how much I love this Liza Minnelli video. You all need to watch it so I can quote it without looking like I'm on pills.

Give it to me baby like BOOM BOOM BOOM

2010-06-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

SUMMER GOODIES:

Summer Jam: Rihanna-Rude Boy

Hey y'all, I'm having a love affair with RiRi. I totally hated "rude boy: when I heard it, and when I saw the video I was like "....." but then i was like "...ok!"

I have listened to it/watched the video like 30 times at least today. Yikes. Anyway. Thoughts?

She got really dirty. Like explicit. I don't know where it's coming from, but I like it. I said "I wanna hear Rude Boy again" and my roommate Ronnie said, "Is this about what's his face who hit her?" Probably not.
Oldie but Goodie: Rihanna-Disturbia
I've also, been loving disturbia all over again.

Refreshing Beverage: Parrot Young Coconut Juice with pulp (yum!)
Oh my GAWWWWWDDDDDD. This is the most amazing drink ever. It's like $1 for a can at the liquor store near my house and it has replaced diet coke. I have one every other day or so. If you had too much to drink the night before this perks you right up, because apparently coconut water has way more electrolytes than Gatorade or smart water. 110 calories and it has pulp in it which is just delicious chunks of coconut. What's not to love?!
Frivolous fun thing to make you smile: Turquoise nails

My heart has belonged to this Essie "greenport" polish since I set eyes on it online back in December. Its collection had already sold out in stores so I had to pay $13 for it from an amazon seller. But it was well worth it and I have already made a huge dent in the polish as I wear it constantly. Sometimes I just stare at the bottle and start to panic, thinking "How can I explain to my roommates that this nail polish needs to stay in the refrigerator?" Apparently I am not the only person in love with this color. See: Beyonce "Why don't you love me" video. See also: countless hostesses and bartenders in San Francisco. Luckily ughhhh...American Apparel has made a very similar color

Malibu Green.

Hodge podge

2010-06-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

Here's some stuff I've been thinking about/enjoying:

blowing off my college education to start a hand pie business

tubing down a real lazy river in the heat

The Modern Lovers

Learning to play autoharp, with or without John Sebastian

P-U-P-P-I-E-S!

THIS oatmeal pancake recipe, which makes even better waffles

This lady's whole deal (minus her choice of company) but especially her lavender fishtail braid and brown studded clog mules

Alright I couldn't resist...

2010-05-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

I think I like "Hole in my Heart" better, but it wouldn't let me embed that.

2010-05-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

I've been liking music like this these days. I'm way into Alphabeat and now this lady La Roux. It reminds me of Rick Astley, so yeah. LOVE it. You may have heard her single "Bulletproof" which is in Perez Hilton's words, "amazeballs." Ch ch check it out. Anyone else like Alphabeat? Fun stuff that makes me want to dance :)

Beyonce - "Why Don't You Love Me?"

2010-05-05T20:37:00.001-07:00

LADIES! Thoughts on the new Beyonce video???

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

This video was like a roller coaster for me... a Betty Page roller coaster. I ran a gamut of emotions from "Whoa! Beyonce's flippin HOT!" to "Ugh... this is needy." to "Dang, I wish I could wear lavender lipstick" to "Aww she's dusting her Grammys" and finally to "YEAH! He is dumb!"

The song is definitely not without its issues, but I like the idea of it being a a problem with the dude and not Beyonce. After all, what's not to love?

"If I were a king, you'd be the brightest gem in my crown"

2010-04-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hi ladies,

Apologies in advance for the bummer post, but I'm feeling compelled.

It's been one month since my dad died, which means that it's been one whole month and only one month since one of the people who helped make sense of this world disappeared from this mortal coil. I'm not a fan of cliches, but to say that this month has felt both incredibly long and incredibly short is the best I can do right now.

Most kids love their dads, if for no other reason, because they are dads. But it's no hyperbole to say that my dad was one of my favorite people, period. He was a genuine joy to be around; his sharp wit and unparalleled pun mastery were something to behold. Even when he'd lose his temper, his colorful conglomerates of profanity delighted me.

He was a wonderful singer, songwriter, and guitar player. A notably dubious claim to fame was having his song "Good Girls" on the soundtrack for the 1978 Linda Blair roller skating vehicle, Roller Boogie. It's worth noting that my dad's song was 2nd on the soundtrack, right after Cher's "Hell On Wheels" (heard in the trailer below).

Johnnie Coolrock - "Good Girls"

My dad had a theory that another L.A.-based band, the Knack (of "My Sharona" fame), was ripping him off. "I started wearing skinny ties, then they started wearing skinny ties!" That the Knack released a song called "Good Girls Don't" just a few months later only further fueled this conspiracy theory.

In the end, playing some shows here and there and collecting royalties from the soundtrack of a movie that flopped were not enough to earn a living. My dad took up house painting to make money, adopting the moniker "John D. Painter."

He has a real knack for picking colors and soon became the painter of many famous L.A. folk. His favorite celebrity client was Ms. Farrah Fawcett, who apparently had an entire room in her home full of Angels-era memorabilia. In the mid-80s, my dad wrote a screenplay about an L.A. house painter called Navajo White. He wanted John Cusack - a fellow Chicagoan and John - to play the lead role of the house painter.

While living in L.A., my sister would spend the occasional weekend night at his apartment. There was something always unfamiliar there, like it was a space that was never properly equipped to have children in it. But it was comforting, insofar as my dad was there. One night, I told my dad that I couldn't sleep. He got up and made us hot fudge sundaes. I remember it well because it was one of the few childhood moments I shared with him where I was not competing with my sister for his gaze. It was very nice.

As I grew older, circumstances at my mom's house made me want to get out of there. By this time, my dad was back in the Chicago-area, living one town over from the town he grew up in: Homewood, IL. I never really thought of using the words "running away from home" to describe this situation, but my aunt gave them to me, and I'd say they fit. At 15, I packed up two suitcases and got on a plane to Chicago. I had never lived with my dad, but anything had to be better than my mom's house at that point. When I arrived, the air of uncertainty around us both was thick as butter - how would this work? What would it look like? We got to my dad's apartment and he had set up a spartan-but-homey room for me. A twin bed with a t0o-soft mattress, a dresser, an easy chair, and a mobile he'd crafted out of metal discs. He let me choose a color for him to paint the room. I picked dark purple.

To my surprise and delight, living with my dad was wonderful. We made and ate meals together and he was interested and involved in my schoolwork. It was the family life I hadn't had, but had longed for, for years. We made a great team. When my dad decided to once again put the painting business aside to pursue another dream, I tried to help out as best I could. He opened Sputnik, a coffeehouse and music venue that quickly became a beacon for suburban young folks with little to do. It was great and he loved it. Even when he complained, he loved it. Sputnik had a good run of two years, but the morning revenue from commuters was curbed when Starbucks opened a few doors down.

Not long after Sputnik closed, I went off to college. Not long after that Hanna was born, and not too long after that I went back to Chicago for an internship. After college, I moved back to Chicago, partially because I was in love with a boy there, but also because I could be close to my dad again. I'd be at his house every weekend, doing laundry, barbecuing, going for walks in the nearby woods, and fishing. He would book us gigs to perform as a father/daughter act. I am immeasurably grateful for the many times we were about to sing together.

I moved to the bay area to start graduate school, and my dad was proud, but sad to see me leave. He sent me off with a Tupperware full of trail mix and an atlas. For the first time in a long while, I would not be coming back that weekend. We were both choked up as I drove off, but my dad did a better job of hiding it.

I was at work when I found out that he'd been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A quick Wikipedia search told me it was a terminal illness. And despite sitting on this knowledge for 10 months, his rapid decline came as a surprise. Again, I was at work when my stepmom sent me an email. "I lost my Dad to cancer so I know a bit how it feels to hear that someone is starting to leave this world. I think that is starting to happen now." That night, I was on a plane.

One night when I was alone at the hospice with him, I put my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. His sternum was a rough ridge compared to what it had been in a fleshier, healthier body. I thought about resting on his chest when he'd read me stories at his apartment for the weekend. His heartbeat was stronger then, his body younger and cancerless; that's the safest space I'll ever know.

Lost for things to say, I sang a song that we sang together many times. "Come on wheels... take this boy away..."

John & Tate Brazas - "Wheels (Cobain Room Session)"

Once he finally stopped breathing, people said I was holding up remarkably well. At the funeral lunch, I was cracking jokes and enjoying a Manhattan. It seems weird, but Alison Bechdel - who also laughed while telling folks about her dead dad - summed it perfectly for me in her graphic novel, Fun Home: "The idea that my vital, passionate father was decomposing in the grave was ridiculous."

Love you all. Thanks for reading!

Bucket List

2010-04-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Since we're leaving in June-ish, I've started my SF bucket list: Things I want to do before my SF life dies. I figure these things will be good to check off my list while I still have a gaggle of friends around to help me. I hope you will support me in these endeavors.

1. Stay out all night and roam the SF streets, watch the sunrise over the city, eat breakfast at 5am, and sleep all day

2. Participate in a dance contest

3. Film the Party Starters commercial and set up a website

4. Start a 60's girl group (see next item)

5. Fashion a beehive

6. Create my own Home Shopping Craigslist Network complete with a call center backdrop
Inspiration: Brenda Dickson

(i couldn't find a plain screenshot of this scene)

I guess this is my wish list. Two months isn't quite enough time to do it all. The first two are doable. Anyone want to participate/help?

Miss you already,
Megan Marie: the visual designer/dancer in the dark/the esprit de corps

Soul Brothers/Soul Sisters

2010-03-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

After three weeks of work travel, I'm back! I've missed you all!

My last business trip was to Jackson, MS where local tipped me off to a Jim Henson exhibit happening at the Mississippi Museum of Art. Being a Muppet fan for as long as I can remember, I knew I had to see it. Naturally, I was thrilled to see Kermit and the Mahna Mahna puppets, but there were some Jim Henson rarities on display: early sketches, psychadelic 60s experimental films, and photos of him playing dress-up as a child. I've always thought of Kermit the Frog as a total dreamboat; he's sweet and sincere, plays banjo, rides a bike, and loves hanging out on logs. But the playfulness, weird humor, and dreamy qualities present in Jim Henson's entire body of work was enough to make me want to add "find Jim Henson; get lawfully wed" to my growing "time travel to-do" list. It doesn't hurt that he's sort of a babe in that "bearded freak" way.

The exhibit also put Jim Henson on another growing list of mine: "Soul Brothers/Soul Sisters."

The idea behind the list is simple and very 6th grade: people in the public eye that I feel a certain bond or connection with. It's romantic in the way that I'd like to assume that I could BFFs with any of these folks (even though I'm basing this assumption entirely off a public body of work... whatever). Here's some other folks on the list:

Dick VanDyke - I often state that I want to be in a polyamorous marriage with Dick VanDyke and Mary Tyler Moore. When people realize that I'm serious, it becomes more creepy than cute, but doesn't make it any less true. This man does what matters: sings (with animated characters) and dances (with animated characters). He's goofy in an irrestible way. My aunt sometimes waits on his old-man self in her restaurant and she said he whistles to himself and skips. She thinks he's nuts, but I think he's perfect.

Neko Case - second Neko shout-0ut on this blog! Neko is like an older, wiser sister who keeps shit hella real with you. She's a badass with a soft side; a self-proclaimed tomboy who can still take sexy pictures. She's a public female who offers a more complex idea of femininity. She's a lady pilot and an animal lover with a golden voice. I'll sing myself hoarse belting her songs in my car. "The next time you say forever, I will punch you in your face." I LOVE HER!

Nicholas Gurewitch - not a household name, but the genius (GENIUS!) behind my favorite comic strip of all time, The Perry Bible Fellowship. We're all familiar with the "sense of humor" cliche, but I would gladly go for an arranged marriage with this man based just off his now-defunct comic strip, which can be absurd, midly cruel, and hideously clever. Plus, he put together an entire soundtrack for a fake Wes Anderson movie. DREAMBOAT!

Lisa Hanawalt - Lisa's also a new addition, but once I found out that she was the brilliant lady behind this masterpiece, I knew she was on the list. After flying through her entire online portfolio, I promptly ordered a copy of Stay Away From Other People. When it arrived, I was having an awful stomach ache and it was better than an entire roll of Tums. She wrote about buying a pair of short overalls from the thrift store (see? Soul sister!), but they were labeled "Teen Bibs." A few pages later, she wrote about her dream wedding, which included "Bride wears white teen bibs." I die, I die.

Lotta Crabtree - "a true San Francisco character," (whole) Lotta Crabtree became famous in Gold Rush times for her singing, dancing, banjo-picking, and cigar-smoking. A hermit in her later years, she died unmarried, and left her fortune to animals, aging actors, and arts programs.

I know I'm forgetting many, many people, but who are your soul brothers/soul sisters?

They weren't the kind of kisses you could actually evaluate. They were more like... introductory kisses.

2010-02-25T14:45:00.000-08:00

Life, god and other easy-going topics...long post

2010-02-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

I want to start out by saying that I realize this blog isn't really for super heavy stuff, but I hope you don't mind me using it as a stepping stone in bravery. I appreciate so greatly the venue this blog is providing me right now. Thank you friends for letting me air all my stuff here. It seems kinda weird doing this in a blog, but what I'm going to do, call a meeting to discuss it? I want you ladies to know me and know me well. I want to know you well! I'm writing you this evening to come out to you in a way. I've got some stuff that I need to get off my chest and I'm treating this as a trial run before I tell my Dad and family the very same thing. By the way, this is going to be a long ass post and may get pretty boring, so don't feel obligated to read it :)

I've recently come to terms with my core beliefs and now I feel a responsibility to be honest with myself at all times and with anyone I respect. I am an atheist.

I can't tell you how strange or difficult my decision to be honest with myself and say those words--I'm an atheist--has been. At the same time, I feel so free from the oppression I've felt. In fact, I didn't realize how oppressed I was by religion and the fear of a god I could not feel or prove existed. Within the last year I've started to look at myself and what makes me happy...what doesn't make me happy, etc and have introspected so thoroughly. My realization has come in baby steps. At first I was able to say that I wasn't Christian, but did believe in god. Then, I was able to say that I didn't know what the real truth was and didn't think anyone really did. Then, I could say that I didn't believe in god...but never have I imagined I could assertively say that I am an atheist. There are reasons why I've felt so inhibited and afraid to explore how I really feel...

First, I have to start with my childhood (this is the long and boring part--but i gotta work through it). My family was not religious in anyway...at all. My Dad read me stories from a children's bible story book and until I was probably 9, I believed they were simply fascinating stories. We never went to church. If my parents ever talked to me about god or religion I do not remember. When my parents separated, my Mom and I moved to the desert and she was attending new agey rennaissance fairs when my Aunt, who we lived with for a little while, encouraged her to go to church. I should mention that by this time my Mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She started going to church, but never made me go. I went a few times after I got jealous of all my Mom's new friends...yada yada yada the church community became a huge source of comfort and support for both my Mom and myself. We'd eat dinner with the pastor and his wife. They would hold special prayer services just for my Mom. My Mom and I were baptized together. In the wake of what felt like my entire silly little 10 going on 11 year-old life unraveling and imploding, the church and the idea of god and the afterlife helped me and I can't imagine how it helped my Mom. I hope it comforted her. This is one of the main reasons I've neglected to listen to myself on the matter. If you believe in god and are facing a life without your Mom, being baptized with her is really something. When my Mom was coughing up blood and couldn't take me trick or treating or had to spend weeks in the hospital and I was left alone at my Aunt's house, I had something to call out to for help. So, to turn my back on that as an adult felt almost like a betrayal to my Mom. I feel like it was good and has been bad for me to believe that my Mom is somewhere on the other side watching over me while I make mistakes and triumphs. More on that in a few.

Another huge issue for me, right now, is that 99% of my family consider themselves Christian. Of that 100%, 85% are devout which means I get the "Did you pray about it?" and the passage quotes at the end of every email. The biggest obstacle is telling my Dad. I love my Dad so much and I feel like I appreciate him more and more every day. He and I have great talks about everything...deep and shallow. Everything except religion and politics. I have shrugged off every piece of biblical advice for the last 10 years and I feel like the worst person for not being honest with my Dad. You have to understand though, upon telling my Dad that I am an atheist, I expect he will worry for his whole life for my soul as he envisions his daughter burning in hell for eternity. This kills me. How can I put my Dad through that? That's what has kept me from telling him.

The third and most growth-inspiring reason this has been hard for me to admit is because I have never trusted myself to know anything over someone else. I don't know why, but there it is. Prior to this decision, if someone would have countered my argument, I would sincerely believe that they knew better and I probably missed something. This is a common theme in my development as an adult and I wish to change it. No one has such a great perspective that they know more than me. I mean, yeah sure there are people that have studied and literally KNOW more than me, but we're talking about a belief. I have beliefs and though I wouldn't press them on anyone, I have just as much of a right to express them.

Oh yeah, and I'm a people-pleaser and no one wants to hear you're an atheist. No one where I'm from anyway.

What this means for me:
Admitting to myself that I don't believe there is a god has helped me in several ways. It sounds crazy, but I feel more at peace and free from the loss I've experienced than ever. Feeling like someone is watching you throughout your whole life is interesting. I used to write letters to my Mom about school and my Dad and my friends. I still have them. They are so sad. It's hard to read them and think of myself alone in my room communicating with my dead mother. It's a one-way conversation, let me tell you. It's hard to articulate, but when I realized that my Mom stopped existing when she died and wasn't in any pain or concern, I felt free. My Mom...she's so important to me and I'm deeply saddened still that she doesn't know me as an adult. I fantasize about going back in time so I could be friends with her in high school. I want to make clear how much she means to me and what a hole her death left me with. However, it may sound cold, but knowing that she's really gone is a relief. I don't imagine her up there thinking about my decisions or worrying about me...waiting for me. I feel like, for me, it was unhealthy to constantly be on the lookout for signs from her, hoping that she would communicate with me through birds or dreams or patterns in time. It makes her death less sad for me. It makes my life more meaningful. I can fully concentrate on what I'm doing and where I'm going. I'm not worried that I'm not spending enough time thinking about her. I'm free to move on when and how I naturally can.

I've had a tremendous feeling of renewal with all this. I see my life as this insane opportunity for exploration and meaning and excitement and joy. I'm not happy with how much I've settled in my life. I want the very best for myself. I want every experience. I want to live fully as a human being and see how capable I am. The drive to enjoy my life is in full force. I feel like I'm ready to stand up for myself and carve out my spot in the world (as small as it may be). I want to be kind, but respect myself at all times. It's strange to me that the idea of heaven made it okay for me to kind of just do whatever. It makes sense. I mean, if you think about your potential 80ish years on earth and compare that to a proposed eternity to have the best time and see everyone you've ever lost...who really cares what you do here. That's kind of how I looked at it. No longer though. I feel a strong drive to be good to my loved ones and to myself and I see how freedom is basically the most important element of the human existence. It's funny how much more motivated I am to stay out of jail now. Who knew being godless would inspire me to be a better person. haha. Not that I ever expect to be in jail for serious time, but these are the things I think about.

My fears:
I fear that when I do tell people they will conclude that this has something to do with one of two influences. First, and to me, the most hurtful is that Morgan would have something to do with my disbelief. The truth is we talk about this kind of stuff a lot and being able to openly talk about something like this really did help me to come to terms with it. However, I've been doubting the bible and god since the very first time I realized that the stories in that book were meant to be truth. I've told several people about my doubts and they usually push it aside like I do when they want to talk to me about god stuff. The second is that I may be jaded from all the loss I've experienced, feeling abandoned by god triggered a non-belief feeling. Every time I've faced the death of someone I love I've wanted to and been desperate to believe and reach out to god. I've never felt mad at god...most likely because I've never truly believed in god and therefor never felt betrayed or upset.

There is one last thing I want to talk about if you can believe it. Besides giving this a test-run before going to my family, I also feel a duty to be somewhat forthcoming about my beliefs for the sake of busting stereotypes. There was a girl in my high school history class who answered 'atheist' when asked what each of us believe...kinda hard to imagine that flying now. I remember thinking she was evil and that her parents were probably heathens. There is a definite stigma (like I said--in the world I grew up in) to atheism. I've never known anyone with a loving family that were openly atheist, for instance. It's always people that have been presented as devil worshipers, anarchists, trouble makers, soulless evil people. It sounds so ridiculous, but this is what I've grown up in. My good friend Alecia said something really enlightening (she has several times..almost every time I talk to her). She said it's a lot easier to live somewhere like San Francisco where things like being gay or supporting gay rights aren't as controversial as a lot of places in the US, but it may in fact be much more important to live with your beliefs in a place where the majority of the people are adverse to you or your beliefs. I've never tasted adversity to any serious extent and I don't pretend to be a progressive social anything. I'm just saying, there needs to be a better portrayal of all beliefs and lifestyle. So, I'm going to say it again. I'm an atheist. I'm creative. I'm loving. I can be a good influence on the right person. I don't believe in evil that doesn't originate within human beings. I don't believe in miracles. I don't believe in ghosts (that one was hard to give up because it's fun to be scared). I believe that when I die I will cease to exist. I believe in people and family and life. I will live my life for myself and my family. I want to be the best wife and daughter and sister and friend that I can. I hope to become closer to my family once they know this about me. I love them and I love you and I want to exist with you in honesty and without judgment.

Sincerely,
Megan

sensory overload

2010-02-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

as creatives, i know we are always looking for inspiration stimulation, which is why i'm really excited to share them thangs with you ladies. originally it started as a tumblr, but got so many hits because of its amazing content that to keep it running, the author had to either pay millions or shut it down... he shut it down for awhile to figure out an alternative. so anyway it's back in website form, raunch and cool still intact. please enjoy some of my favorite selections, and prepare to mark it as your favorite new site....

Femmspiration!

2010-01-28T15:12:00.000-08:00

I love the feeling of Ashley's femmspiration posts, so continuing on with that theme I'd like to offer up my female role models of today and yesteryear as well as the stories that helped to shape my personality! Yippyyyy grab a comfy seat...this is a long one.

Where to begin...
Obviously, the biggest impact on my self are my parents and family and the events that occupied my younger years...but I'd like to focus on my personality and spirit. The little voice in my head pushing me to get in trouble...that kinda stuff. I guess I'll start by noting my childhood influences. Ramona Quimby was a big force in my young life. I asked for my hair to be cut just like hers. The Never Ending Story and The Last Unicorn were weekend staples, but two movies in-particular really shaped my idea of what I wanted my life to look like as well as what I wanted my heart to feel like.

I'm not sure if the theme for these two movies were indicative of the time or a trend in movie-making, but I really felt them. I worshiped the lead characters. They were everything I wanted to be. Both of their stories take on adventuring and being alone...finding friends along the way and coming of age on the road. I've always fancied the idea that I can do anything on my own and that I don't need anyone's help. That's not the case, but if you've ever tried to teach me something or show me a better way, you've probably noticed that I still hang on to this idea.

It's strange to me now that there were a few good movies like these that featured young girls as MAIN characters who were very brave and capable and now...well there is Hanna Montana, which is fine and all, but from what I've seen it deals with fame and celebrity...which is WEIRD! It's weird to me that little girls aspire to be famous. I never ever thought about that. Anyway that's a post in itself... Without further ado my top two choices for female role models of my childhood:

#1
Natty Gann of Journey of Natty Gann

I loooved this movie. It's about a young girl during the depression who's father has to go for work and she is left with her nanny or a neighbor or something (because her mother died) who is nice to her, but she really wants to find her dad. So, of course, she runs away...befriends a wolf and then an older boy (John Cusak)...hops trains with said wolf...finds herself in dangerous situations (dog fighting events where she meets the wolf, hobo camps, etc) and basically makes her way across the country with this wolf and part of the way with this older boy. She defends her Dad's honor when some kids say he's a communist. Some folks find her wallet and think she's dead. Her Dad is heartbroken...they find each other in the end though. I LOVE this story. I wanted to do all of these things.

I was actually a hobo in my baton class and though I guess my Mom and I didn't know what a hobo looked like, I still loved it because I was closer to being such a bad-ass girl like Natty Gann.

#2
Senora Webster of Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken

Senora works so hard for her dreaaamsss!

UGH this movie...It's my depression lifter. I've possibly seen it more than Footloose because it makes me feel so good. I love this story and after my hobo phase, I delighted in the rough and gritty glamour that Senora embodied. Again, set during the Great Depression (based on a true story--side note--I tried to buy the book on ebay for $4 but the seller realized its value of around $400 and took it down) Senora's parents both died from some great sickness and she and her sister are left with their shitty Aunt. The Aunt is awful to her...basically no one gets her quirkyness. Whatever, we can all relate to that. So....she runs away and joins a traveling show! UGH I DIE. Seriously, if I could have painted a life for myself at age 12, this would be it. I mean wow. She was sweet and fun, but determined and ambitious. I loved Senora. I relate to this movie and that character like nothing else. I still quote her sometimes when I say, "heck noooo". I wanted to run away and lean out of the back of a wagon while peacefully enjoying the countryside. I think you may know the rest of the story. She weasels her way into employment with Dr. Carver and starts training to become a diving girl. She falls in love with his son Al and after a while ends up in Atlantic City (her dream). She has an accident on a dive, is rendered blind, learns to dive again against everyone's wishes..lives happily ever after. the end. I can't even tell you. I"ll just end there because I can go on and on.

So, looking back, I only ran away once with my dog which led to sitting in my Step-Mom's old Jaguar for 6 hours until I got bored. I only threatened to hop trains because I got too scared I'd get mugged. What can I say? I was too safe and too timid to carry out my childhood dreams. Plus, the hugest obstacle to me getting my wish and traveling through the countryside, guardian-less and free while discovering my talents...I LIKED my parents. So, naturally, I couldn't leave them. I still daydream about changing my identity and roaming the countryside taking up odd jobs to get by. Perhaps, joining some kind of traveling act and settling into my new talented family. Like I said though, I love my real family...I could never leave them.

That brings me to my adult female rold model:
Neko Case of Neko Case fame

She's got tons of great live performances, but this one is clean and smooth and you can hear all the wonderful sounds and voices that go into her songs. I feel like a 4th grader writing about Debbie Gibson with my "I love her because she's really neat" type comments, but I seriously love her and feel my heart getting tender when I listen to her.

She makes me feel lucky to be a lady. She doesn't need anyone...but she does a little. Plus, basically she's lived my dream life. I have to say here that the prior two role models and their lives have been romanticized heavily and I bet it's actually no picnic to run away and hop trains...I don't want to disrespect anyone that has actually lived that life. I won't go on and on about her and her life, but basically she ran away from what she felt were ill-equipped teenage parents and got into music, was in several bands and then went out on her own.

This is an excerpt from her bio on cmt.com

Alternative country singer/songwriter Neko Case won a steadily growing cult audience for her smoky, sophisticated vocals and the downcast beauty of her music. Born in Alexandria, VA, Case moved around often as a child, spending the largest part of her youth in Tacoma, WA. She left her parents at age 15, and three years later she started playing drums for several bands around the Northwest's punk rock scene. Case moved to Vancouver in 1994 to enter art school, and simultaneously joined the punk group Maow, which released a record on the Mint label. She also played with roots rockers the Weasles and eventually formed her own backing band, the Boyfriends, which initially featured alumni of the Softies, Zumpano, and Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet.

I feel like this part of the post lacks the awesomeness that Neko deserves, but I don't feel I can put it in words at this juncture.

Fellow Spinecrackers...what or who shaped you? Inquiring minds...

if i were napoleon, you could be my josephine

2010-01-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

ok, so i have this idea to have a mademoiselle/madame french party on february 20th to celebrate the end of an era with our current book, and cheersing to our new prospects. think gruyere, edith piaf, croissants, chocolate mousse, framboise, love poems, brie, eiffel tower, crepes, caricatures, love, stars, moonlight, creme brulee, francoise, etc.

My proposed ideas so far: make french food of your choice to bring, chose an alternate french name for yourself (antoinette, etinne, claudette, marvella, blanchefleur), dress in full french attire wearing blue, white, red (not to be confused with red, white, and blue), berets, moustaches, photo portraits, caricatures by sarah (or whoever else can draw). we can sit around and read love poems from napoleon to josephine, fiddle faddle around with my mini accordion, romantic guitar soloing with possible humming. and one of the most important things, which you can either choose to embrace or reject, is to bring some form of art that you want to share, like ANY form of art. wether it be knitting, photos, jewelry, drawings, short stories, collages, anything your oui oui heart can muster. i feel overwhelmed by how much talent each one of you ladies has to offer, and i would love to see what everyone could come up with. please share your feelings on the matter.

bonne nuit!

PSA: PERIOD SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

2010-01-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

Hello Crackers,
I am feeling rather uninspired at the moment, but I don't want that to be misconstrued as disinterest in this fabulous blog! So I thought I would share a little website/tool that has made my menstruating life a million times more convenient! The website is called Mon.thly Info:
http://monthlyinfo.com/

It's so simple. Signing up takes about 20 seconds and believe me it's worth it! Every month when I start my period I log into mon.thly info and click that date on the calendar. The website tracks my cycle and then sends me emails!!! I get lovely period emails every month! I cannot even tell you how reassuring it is to be going apeshit and feeling like a crazy person and then get a sweet little email that says, "Just a friendly reminder from monthly info, your period is 2 days away!" Those emails are always followed by a big sigh, and an "Ohhhhh so that's why I'm eating cool whip from the container and sobbing watching project runway!!"

Also, any ladies interested in making a baby/trappin' yo man, you can sign up for ovulation reminder emails as well. So spread the word ladies!! Mon.thly Info is where it's at for women with working uteri! This website has changed my life and I hope it makes yours a little easier. Love you.

EDIT: 3:06
I've used this website for about 2 years now and so I have a good history/tracking built up, so I'm adding some screen shots so you can see the pay off of regular useage. Also, as Megan will attest to, you have to enter your period every month or else you will not get emails. They are a god send, but they are not uterus-readers.

surprise ending

2010-01-20T22:21:00.000-08:00

in a nod to both the objective of the spinecrackers, and the tone this blog seems to have acquired, i've been working on a post concerning a cemetery visit.
anytime i drive through salinas and see the turn-off for the john steinbeck center, or john st. for that matter, my heart flutters. i have mom to thank, east of eden being handed off to me on a camping trip 6 years ago after she finished. i was looking for something to take my mind off dinner, as it was being prepared on the gas-stove (we do drive-in camping), so this was perfect. i nestled into my uncles warped hammock and dug in. and in and in and in... i couldn't believe when i finished! it was a slap in the face, the end of a turbulent, and yet so fulfilling, relationship. anytime i pick up a steinbeck, i gorge, forget to chew, and choke it down before i can savor the flavor, then its on to the next! the wayward bus added mystery to road-side cafes; travels with charley got me from san francisco to nashville, curious to observe everything in between. there are only so many more i can inhale, so i've allotted them to every five books or so. shane, a fellow steinbeck enthusiast, and i decided to stop by and pay our respects, and brought paul along for educational purposes. though the general grave direction was marked with an arrow, i was shocked at how simple the graves was. the man who gave us grapes of wrath, i assumed, would have a huge marble headstone, with bust likeness, sprouting from carved flora, and a quote from one of his books, right? do they KNOW who he IS?the cemetery was empty, so we helped ourselves to a few rubbings, in gratitude we left behind a 50cent piece and a rock with a heart drawn on. the lamb was on guard upon arrival. i hope to go back one day and leave a worthy charm, though i feel that the rubbing's careful placement in my kitchen makes up for it...

Here's a story for ya...

2010-01-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

About 6 years ago I picked up an old Kodak Hawkeye (Flashfun to be exact) at either a thrift store or a yard sale in Grover Beach. Sarah has the exact same camera.

Mine is super busted like and cracked in places, but I loved it and wanted to try to use it for something. After I bought it I noticed that there was film in it. This thrilled me more than the camera and I couldn't wait to finish out the roll and develop it. Like I said, this was about 6 years ago.

Skip ahead about 3 years to thanksgiving in Fresno with Kate at our Aunt Mel's. In full Megan fashion, I waited this long to even start to finish the film. We took some shots for our fake band "jealous orchid" and had a good ol' time.

Come along with me to last year. I don't remember when or what the subject was, but I finished the roll...

Keep up for just one more year to about 2 weeks ago. I FINALLY sent in the finished roll with all of the photos that I've never seen from 50 years ago + our Fresno pics + whatever else I took pictures of. I sent 11 rolls of film to be developed. Nearly all 110 film from my favorite camera I've ever known...my minolta. Anyway, that's another post. One of the rolls was the 127 film from this camera and I nearly forgot that there was a whole mystery waiting to be seen. I fantasized about how someone might have taken pictures of a scandalous scene or perhaps finding the one camera that was in Dallas when Kennedy was assassinated that could be the smoking gone and reveal everything we've all wondered. I imagined all of these dramatic photos and then forgot about it and sent them off.

(the big reveal)

I nearly cried when I saw these:

Two men sitting on what looks like a train. The gentleman in the foreground looks to be a conductor eating his meal.

This one features a woman with dimples smiling slyly in a controlled fashion, smoking while riding the train.

Now we see another conductor? and his lady sitting side by side with--this really got me--the open road behind them from the back of the train. I love that she's looking at him and he's looking forward. I like to think that this is the conductor's car and perhaps she's going on a long date with him.

I can't even express how these made me feel. I instantly felt like I was peering into something I should never have seen, but am so glad I did. I'm also really happy they didn't turn out to be pictures of a park or something. I love the election poster in the pictures (I can't endorse it without knowing what it is, but I love that it's there and think it's done quite nicely). I want to be on that train with them. I want to find their grandchildren or grandnieces or whoever and give these to them. Or maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it only serves me and my self-indulgent sense of nostalgic adventure for a time from which my Mother came of age. I don't know, but it really thrilled me. These photos sat undeveloped for nearly 50 years and they made their way to me and, though it took me 6 years, I helped them along to finally be seen.

The other crazy thing that blew my mind was that of all the photos (13 i think) the only additional photos to turn out were these:

Darling Miss Kate

and myself

Two lucky ladies who got to share a roll of film with some traveling folks from 50 years ago when things seemed slower and better, but likely were more difficult for different reasons. We hitch-hiked onto their roll of film and I kind of feel weird about that, but also totally happy about it. I don't know what to say! I wanted to share it with my ladies.

Love,
Megan

I need to re-scan these with a cleaner/better scanner

Urban Decay

2010-01-14T11:43:00.000-08:00

Spoiler alert! This post is not about nail polish!

I've long said that I'll watch just about anything with an apocalyptic/heavy doom premise. I have sat through the crappiest movies just to see stuff get destroyed or to some two-bit directors vision of an abandoned metropolis. As a kid, I loved reading about ancient Egypt and the Titanic. In other words, I'm a #1 giant-foam-finger fan fallen giants and always have been.

This beautiful and fascinating photo essay of abandoned mental asylums on the New York Times has left me completely enthralled.

Autopsy Theater, St. Elizabeth's Hospital, Washington

Aesthetically, the photographs are stunning (side note: look at those gorgeous modern plastic shell chairs - someone needs to rescue those babies!). Loveliness aside, I'm fascinated by how the essay illustrates the literal abandonment of the asylum approach to mental health. The "beauty salon" photo suggests attempts to make asylums more personal, while the collection of "patient toothbrushes" shows that they were anything but. These once very private and personal institutional spaces now lie dormant. The remaining, but decaying fixtures tell us tales about the treatment of mental illness not-so-long-ago; the empty rooms offer a distance - as both viewers and as a culture - from these approaches.

'Bathtub', Fairfield Hills State Hospital, Connecticut, USA

The accompanying text and stories are an interesting a quick read. Summed in a few words:

"Society can be judged as much by what it abandons as by what it builds."

Even more of Christopher Payne's Asylum photos on his webpage: http://www.chrispaynephoto.com/payne.html

More urban decay:

Flickr Urban Decay group

Yves Marchard & Romain Meffre - The Ruins of Detroit

Alan Weisman's book The World Without Us

I think we're just gonna have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.

2010-01-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

I know Margot Tenenbaum is a little 2001, but I re-watched it not too long ago and wanted to be her best friend all over again. Her style, poise, rolled cigarettes, missing finger, black eye liner...they all add up to be an acclaimed playwright & adoptee, like so many of us wish we were. The scene dearest to my heart is when she is in the bathroom, painting her toes, watching tv, on the phone, in her undergarments, all while enjoying a smoke (hopefully it's bali shag). I adore the idea of discreetly being alone in general, but anything becomes more romantic to me when you add underwear and cigarettes. So pinky's up to Margot, for being the most tame, yet feral fictional lady creature with one of the most valued traits....the ability to keep a secret.

These are what I imagine her favorite things to be...

Butterscotch Sundae recipe:
two scoops butter pecan ice cream (fav=Rite-Aid) OR vanilla. OR praline.
1/2 cup chopped toffee heath bar OR if you're a nut-a-zoidal maniac like me, then make candied pecans. (put 6oz pecans, 2tbls sugar, 2tbls melted butter, & 1/2 tsp salt in a bowl & toss to coat. then bake on a cookie sheet for 10 mins)
whipped cream (just take a little heavy cream & whip the shit out of it)
maraschino cherry (if you must, but i say no)
*Butterscotch Sauce*
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup corn syrup
1/2 stick butter
1 tablespoon bourbon
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
In a small heavy bottomed saucepan, add the brown sugar, corn syrup, and butter and cook over medium low heat, stirring, until sugar dissolves. Add bourbon and vanilla extract, stirring well. Get really cozy and depressed and serve warm over ice cream.
favorite album to listen to in headphones while writing a short story

favorite actress: dorothy dandridge
favorite movie favorite photographer: diane arbus favorite book/author: zelda fitzgerald all time hero: eva braun

I like it a lot

2010-01-12T22:04:00.000-08:00

Hello,

I am writing to inform you that I am way into some music by Marina and the Diamonds. I think you might like her if you don't already. Some songs that stand out are Hollywood, Obsessions, and I am not a robot. She kinda sounds like Shakira sometimes, she has GREAT hair, and her videos are just darling. Anyway, if you're bored tonight take a peek at her videos via youtube.com or check out the blog/website at marinaandthediamonds.com. Loves ya!

If you follow this link you will find a nice acoustic version of Hollywood, but the regular version is admittedly more fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JHINokmH6w

Tell 'em, Gram.

2010-01-11T21:52:00.001-08:00

A few years back, my dad suggested that we add a little country to our repertoire and work on a song by The Flying Burrito Brothers. Outside, I was nodding and saying that I'd look it up, but inside, all I could think was "terrible band name." As Spinecrackers, we're well-versed in the adage "Don't judge a book by it's cover." But this was a pre-Spinecracker-era for yours truly, so all bets were off.

For weeks, my dad would ask "You listen to that song yet?" and there were only so many times that I could change the subject or pretend I was losing my hearing before it became Crystal Pepsi clear that I was just being a lamewad. So finally, I listened. And I listened. And I listened...

I couldn't get the albums my usual way (downloading from the seemingly all-you-can-eat music buffet that is the internet), so I actually purchased the two Flying Burrito Brothers albums and proceeded to listen to them non-stop. One of those Burrito Brothers was Gram Parsons.

Naked ladies on the lapel, weed leaves on the breast - ZZ Top was right about a sharp-dressed man

As it turns out, he had a memorable life and (in some circles) an even more memorable death. In addition to the Burrito Brothers, Gram worked on an exceptional Byrds album, Sweetheart of the Rodeo...

He also had a some stellar solo albums and a pre-Burrito project with an equally terrible name, The International Submarine Band.

Jog a few paragraphs back and you'll see I'm talking about years ago here, ladies. That's how much I love this man...

"Luxury Liner" - The International Submarine Band

"Christine's Tune" - The Flying Burrito Brothers

"A Song for You" - Gram Parsons

my whole life is a darkroom. one big darkroom.

2010-01-11T13:11:00.000-08:00

Lydia Deetz has been my hero ever since I can remember, which by my IMDB calculations, is 1988. She's neurotic, dresses in black, and takes pictures. Three of my favorite things. Growing up, I either was told I looked like "Lydia from Beetlejuice" or "Wednesday from Addams Family." Both warmed me to my black metal core. Even the cartoon Lydia was a thrill to watch. That amazing spider cape, her high ponytail (which I still think of when I put my pony up that high), those glorious purplely insomnia eyes. And she even went to private school and had to wear a uniform !!just like mee!! and the few times over the years I've fashioned my baby bangs, it's in honor of her. Here's what I imagine her favorite things to be.... favorite song: Cocteau Twins - cherry coloured funk favorite tv show: night gallery favorite poet: Sara Teasdale favorite photographer: Weegee celebrity crush: Rod Serling