Pictures of You, Pictures of Me

(George Tooker, Self-Portrait, 1947; unknown MySpace picture)

As embarrassing as it is to admit, I used to take a lot of self-pics. As soon as I got my hands on my first digital camera (circa 1999 - cost $150 and was 1.5 megapixels), I was snapping pictures of myself on a weekly basis.

A lot of my self-pics can be chalked up to body image issues that come tucked inside your first box of Tampax Slenders. Only instead of stuffing my bra in front of my mirror, asking "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret," or furiously stabbing my autograph hound, I could put on a shitload of make-up and post to my LiveJournal! "Got a new dress," I'd coyly write. Yeah right, bitch - these are clearly the product of two hours worth of careful staging.

The other night, prior to applying my acne cream (still young after all these years!), I was thinking about how I haven't taken a self-pic - a serious self-pic - in a while. Maybe it's because I don't think I am as cute as I did when I was 16, but hey! some of the best pictures I have of myself, I took my.self. No one knows your face better than you, right?

(Cindy Sherman - queen of "don't call them self-portraits because they're not actually me" self-portraits)

Then I was thinking how cool it would be if self-portraits could be a Spinecracker project. So here's your mission, if you choose to accept: take some legitimate self pics. No PhotoBooth, no camera in the mirror or over your head, just good self pics. Pretend you met someone FINE in your favorite AOL chat room, and you're adding an attachment. Or, just take a cool picture.

instant play recommendations

who knew i'd join the ranks of netflix whores? the instant option is weakening our ADD-addled society!! softening my brain! worsening my loss of long-term memory! and yet, it's exposed me to precious films i'd never have found otherwise. plus, it's nice to have something on while i'm sewing. so as per ashley's request a few posts ago, here is my list of favorite instant downloads, in no particular order:

I. slaves of new york
precious bernadette peters plays an artist's girlfriend trying to find her niche in the new york art scene. her outfits are amazing, her asshole boyfriend is really hot, and there's a steve buscemi cameo.** correction, this for some reason is no longer on instant play, but i still recommend watching it. sorry guys...
II. the eyes without a face
if any of you like B-movie horrors, this french film is a beautifully made one, about a young girl whose face has been mangled in a car wreck. the shots are eery, the fashion fun to look at. i don't want to give away the story, but if ya'll recall the framed photo of the bandaged girl on my tv shelf, the still is taken from this movie...III. daddy long legs
i have a thing for fred astaire. he's so graceful, and classy, and a little cheeky too. my heart throbs when he taps his toes. add the dazzling frenchie leslie caron (who is a classically trained ballerina as well), awesome set design, dance sequences and costumes, well just stick a fork in me cause i'm done.IV. radiant child
documentary about the artist jean-michel basquiat. a talented young artist in new york, who literally went from homelessness to dating madonna and acting as warhol's bestie... after watching this i was very inspired to draw and paint, then angry because i cannot do either of those things... but still. watch it!V. last tango in paris
a 70s marlon brando flick. follows the intense, almost brutal?, sexual relationship between a young lady and marlon, in paris. i'm a brando fan, to begin with (on the waterfront?!?! i die), and this semen-ted it for me. heheVI.ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous stains
long before diane lane mellowed out in middle age to make 'under the tuscan sun,' she made this killer teen movie as the front girl for a punk band, the stains. aside from the the girl-band inspiration, outfits are noteworthy, as are makeup tips, her fuck-it 'tude, and her man♥♥♥VII. play it again, sam
a woody allen film, what list is complete without one? am i right? the acting is particularly silly, diane keaton's outfits are quirky (this was pre-annie hall), and it was filmed HERE IN THE BAY AREA!! all over san francisco, a few spots in the north bay too. this is my favorite WA film, fo' realzies.VIII. the thing called love
one those almost-too-cheesy to watch girl trying to make big it movies. ALMOST. i loved it for many reasonz: sweet sandra bullock, miranda's very 90's outfits, it was filmed in my 2nd favorite city: nashville, and riverrrrrr phoeeeenixxx. listen for miranda's song about big blonde country hair...IX.phoebe in wonderland
elle fanning is adorable, and far easier to watch than dakota, in my personal opinion. a sweet story about childhood, coping mechanisms, and alice in wonderland. with a stellar cast: felity huffman (in a wig? still not sure), patricia clarkson in heidi braids :) and bill pullman, with familiar classy comb-back.X. fritz the cat
the title should be "being paul goins." an animation based on an R. crumb comic, this kitty has lots of sex, tries lots of drugs, and talks about the revolution, while making friends with all sorts of other animals...

Vaudeville or brothel? You decide!

I just realized I never shared this picture, when the whole reason I took it was to share it!

Anyway, last time I was in Chicago, I was rifling through a box of family photos when I came across this:

(Sorry for the cruddy quality - it is indeed a picture of a picture)

ANYWAY, I ripped it out of the box and waved it around. "WHO ARE THESE LADIES???" I demanded to know. Apparently the lady in the stripes on the far left is my great grandma Milton (!!!) with her "vaudeville troupe". Apparently the Miltons were vaudevillians by trade, but something about this photo (thigh highs? lollipops?) makes me think these ladies are selling more than song-and-dance routines.

Regardless of the dubious origins, I love this picture and my great grams stripey one piece.

I want to "come on down" for my birthday!

I know this post is a little premature, but I really want to go to the Price is Right this year for my bday! The day I would like to go is Monday, June 20th. If you get 15 or more people you are guaranteed a seat inside, so no camping overnight is necessary! I hope you all will accompany me on this gaming adventure. Also, please submit shirt/outfit ideas :) I'll make an event at a later date through facebook, but I am just pumped and wanted to share my excitedness with you all!

"youth is wasted on the youth"

I guess you could say life is an adventure, but I disagree when I'm surrounding myself with food and laying in bed at 2pm to watch a movie I've seen 789 times. In my daydreams, I'm packing up Cameron, quitting our jobs and setting sail on the open road with no destination in sight. Yes, this is my 30th birthday year in case I haven't complained enough about it. And to be perfectly honest, I'm kinda freakin. My uneasiness lies in time....it's flyin the fuck past me and I can't live in the moment. I'm constantly looking towards the future and what it will be like and the things I need to do to prepare for it and yadayadayada, well this is my god damn future right now that I seem to be so preoccupied with.
I need to take a break from my uptight, annoyingly practical, guilt ridden, moody demeanor and throw all of my neuroses out the literal, yet figurative, window to see the person I can be without those things. Whether or not this changes me, I'll know that at least I tried and explored and let go and that has to mean something, to me that is. I want to force myself to tough it out in the middle of nowhere. I get paranoid and whiny and all I can think about is the luxuries of taking a bath and eating a snickers from a mini bar. I've never even been camping and I'd like to blame my parents for this, but I have too many fun memories in hotel rooms to be troubled by it. and ya know what? on a side note, blaming your parents for your problems is for suckers. Your parents are just people too and it's not my mom's fault that I never tasted a pear for the first 25 years of my life. She never liked pears, so she never had them in the house, big whoop. I'm an adult now and I can eat a pear whenever I feel like it (which is never because I tasted one and blaaaaahg they're gross). Point being, I just need to learn what my 30s are going to be all about and not live them like I'm in my 20s.

Things I need for a road trip that would make me feel enlightened:
1. Cameron. Honestly, I'd like to see what we're both capable of.
2. bali shag (I'm thinking about investing in a pipe)
3. Oscar Wilde books. I've been diggin the shit outta him lately. I always knew I would like him once I got around to reading his stuff, but I had no idea how we'd actually fall deeply in love
4. illuminating road trip music that makes me feel smart, like Joanna Newsom, Edith Piaf, or Hank Williams Sr.
5. cameras of all sorts. polaroid cameras, film cameras, digital cameras, toy cameras, video cameras
6. my ukulele and a harmonica for Cameron. possible scenario: sitting by a riverbed playing some Leadbelly
7. one of those beautiful handkerchiefs that women used to tie around their hair/head to ride in a convertible (this should be #1 on my list)

I think I'm in-between stages right now.
"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." -Oscar Wilde

Thoughts on turning 30? Road trips? Music that makes you feel smart?

tiny maids a milkin

I know this is an awkward 2005 style photo booth picture, but I just wanted to show my new favorite hair style for the last 20 mins. Since it's dark in my apartment, I had to stare lovingly into my own eyes while tilting towards to the window to be able to catch a glimpse. I flippin love milkmaid braids, but seriously my hair is too heavy to hold it up all day long (see my burden I have to carry Sarah!). SO I made some little milkmaid braids underneath my hair for a little headband of braids. This may be old news, BUT IT'S NEW TO ME! Is it cute enough to wear my hair down to work and risk lice? I think so! Plus I'm hoping it won't look so bad in a low pony with the braids. But anEway, that's my new news. You guys got any new news? Like some instant netflix movie suggestions? Or a new product you tried from Trader Joe's? I'm always look for a head's up on those.

tea bagging

Hello Dawlings.....
If you know me at all, you know it is few and far between that I drink tea, coffee, hot chocolate, blah blah and blah, basically anything other than water and my morning juice. BUT I would like to share the only tea that I will put my pursed bitchy lips to and actually enjoy it. I first discovered it a couple years ago through my Aunt who found it at Bristol Farms. We have almost the exact same taste in food, so I trust her opinion like no other. Then like so many things in my life, just as I started to like it, it became impossible to find at any stores anywhere, like nowhere, nothing, gone. One of the last few times I was back home, my Aunt shared the secret of the internet with me. You can find this bomb ass tea on Amazon! I was given a box to drink at my leisure. Being the sweet girlfriend that I am, I told Cameron he should try it. He liked it a little too much, and being the sneaky girlfriend that I am, I had to hide it from him. I've since taken it out of hiding. He knows now I'm savoring it and he must only drink it if he's fiending for it, until I surrender to the man and spend money. If you're as finicky as me, you might enjoy it. Or you might just think it tastes like god damn regular ass tea.

http://www.amazon.com/ST-DALFOUR-Breakfast-1-75-Ounce-25-Count/dp/B000LKUA7M/ref=reg_hu-rd_add_1_dp_T2

P.S.
This is Gwen when she was 30. Do you think we would've been friends with her?

I'd like to share my special Christmas present with all of my kindred spirits (sorry, I just watched Anne of Green Gables). This year in my family, we did it secret santa style. I asked if everyone was cool with a handmade gift, which to my surprise, I got one giant thumbs up across the board. On this 2010 xmas morn, I opened my prez, and lo and behold, it was a handmade present. My grandma wrote me a poem and had it framed. She reminisces with me FREQUENTLY (as only grandma's do) about how I used to love when she'd get me sailor dresses, which has led her to forever think of me when she sees anything having to do with sailors, the sea, etc. So I knew from the title that this poem was going to make me feel gut wrenching love for her, and could quite possibly bring me to tears in the middle of a large group of nosey italians. I made it through with a knotted throat and clenched teeth. She emailed it to me later "just in case." She's written piles of poems, gotten published in newspapers, magazines, etc., and I feel honored that she took the time to write this one just for me.



The Little Girl in a Sailor Dress




Reminiscent of sailing

a drifting away she would

one day do

As though we knew

we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The quick smiles

the giggles

laughter like small waves rippling

in a stream

The dreamer whose eyes looked

into distance

beckoning the world to be hers

so we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The faraway looks

that exposed her soul

We had to have seen it all




The seafarer

eager to set sails

on foreign shores

magic cities to capture

Sinbad, her secret lover

enticing her with stories

of lands to be explored

mountains to climb

and rivers to cross


But it was not yet to be

too many moons had still

to glide across translucent skies

for the Little Girl in a Sailor dress


Time now

unwrapped

Her wayfaring heart

eager to pause

to rest

in a city by the sea

while her eyes set on new horizons

to explore promises made

by the Little Girl in a Sailor Dress

grams 1942

Lady love: Nina Hagen

("Born in Xixax" - my favorite Nina Hagen song)

Reconsidermentfactor

New Years Attempts for 2011!
I'm not much into resolutions, but I AM into trying to make myself a better person as best I know how. SO I MADE A LIST!

1. Accept the grey areas. I'm an extremist that physically can't wrap my brain around a grey area (think of bacon wrapped dates). It's all or nothing, balls to all the walls, black or white, do or die, etc., etc.. (hence my catch phrase, "fuck it").

2. Would you like some pasta with your cheese? I'm going to try, just TRY, to eat less cheese. This food makes me so physically, emotionally, longitudinally, latitudinally happy/high while I'm eating it, that I could never give it up. I just know it's contributing heavily (literally) to my chubbiness over the years. So instead of half a brick of cream cheese on my bagel, it'll be a quarter. Instead of 30 tbls of parmesan on my pasta, it'll be 15. It's a start!

3. Make learning more of a process. I solely blame the internet for not retaining anything I learn from it. I really don't spend a lot of time surfing the net, but it's definitely awoken from it's r.e.m. sleep to tell me the names of the three chipettes. Real dictionary vs. online dictionary is a good place to start for me.

4. Subduing my baditude/sass mouth/red hot temper: We've all got one in there somewhere, mine just happens to reside in my frontal cortex controlling all of the my thoughts and actions. Sometimes it comes in handy, some (most) times it gets me in trouble. I can't even tell you how many things I've secretly smashed, openly broken, or just plain smacked up until the age of 20. I've turned my temper into nervous laughing which has been a pretty cool alternative I guess. Thus began my 20s of crass/rude/blunt commentary which would result in me thinking, "shit why did I just say that!" It's not to hurt anyone's feelings, it's stating my loudmouth opinion. The last year or so, I've been noticing that I'll say my usual shit but not feel my usual tinge of regret. Which is GOOD, but I just need to be more polite BEFORE opening my mouth. If only I could learn how to phrase things nicely. But just because I don't regret it, doesn't mean that it's right, right guys?

5. NO LIFE STANDARDS 2011!!!: For example: Do I want kids? Do I want kids because I feel like I should? Do I NOT want kids because that will make me apart of the elite mommy's club where mommy's can look down on what an easy life women without kids have? What do EYE want?!?! I may have never had a childhood dream about my wedding dress, but I've definitely always wanted kids. I just need to remember what I genuinely want, for realz!


Things I like to do, but could do more often for 2011's sake:

* wearing colors other than grey, black, light black, dark grey, greyish black (I love this, I just don't need to exclude every other color from my wardrobe)
* makeup/hair care/general grooming - I can't make any promises, but I'll try because it can be FUN
* keeping my house cleaner due to surprise guests
* write my dear Katherine more letters
* call my mother, father, grandmother, and aunt more often. Basically everyone in my family except Annie (since I talk to her like every freakin second of the day. am I saying it like it's a bad thing? I can't tell.)
* embracing my Italian culture to an even more annoying extent by learning how to cook every Italian meal I can muster.
* seeking out new music that isn't a one hit wonder, or some indie crap that I think I should like, but don't.

What are YOUR reconsidermentfactors for 2011??????

Thrift America??? or God Damn You, Alexa Chung

Old news to any Spinecracker who frequents Jezebel, but apparently "it girl" Alexa Chung is getting an Antiques Roadshow-style series on PBS. The premise? Hold on to your butts...

"On the show, [Chung] and Maya Singer, the series creator and the editor of special projects for Style.com, will comb the country's consignment shops, garage sales and flea markets for old clothing, furniture, music equipment and other potential treasures to use in various creative endeavors."

My first reaction was "pissed." Why the hell is the lady getting to live my/our dream? But then there was something that felt creepy about it to me.

There's an argument here about shopping in thrift stores because it's cool versus it being the only thing you can afford that is so trite that I'll not go into it here. But the "treasure hunting" spin adds a subtext of "There's good shit in here and these people are too stupid to realize it!!!" that rubs me the wrong way.

Granted, almost anyone who thrift shops would describe it as "treasure hunting," but the "treasure" is always subjective (my current "treasure" is a Chicago Bulls three-peat shirt). The subjective treasure is what makes thrift store shopping (for fun, not necessity) so great. From the descriptions I've read, it sounds like Chung's "treasure" is designer items and shit that's temporarily in style. Not to pose a Carrie Bradshaw-esque question, but when do we stop being thrift hunters and start being thrift poachers?

That said, I totally want to see this show. I can't be too much of an asshole about something that's not even on the air yet. But in my dreams, the show would offer thrifting tips that aren't ruled by someone's personal style (e.g. checking furniture for bed bugs, seasoning abused cast iron cookware) and would be hosted by all of us.

I think that I would die

After this hot mess....


and before this even hotter mess....


there was this absolutely perfect band. Notice the difference? It's Kristen Pfaff (all the way on the left). She had nothing to do with songs called Garbage Man and Teenage Whore, or agreed to have an album called Celebrity Skin. Kristen was apart of the wicked awesome album we actually grew to love Hole for, Live Through This. That might be the most listened to album that has ever been listened to (by me). It's an unspoken fact that Kurt Cobain wrote all of Courtney Love's songs on that album, but to me, the band wouldn't have been the same without Kristen Pfaff. She died of a heroin overdose when she was 27 and I was a fragile 13. She was later replaced by Melissa Aurfdermurfsmurfturd.....FAIL. Kristen was my "kind of goth kind of not" hero. She was my favorite before I had to settle for Courtney Love. She was the reason I died my hair black for my 8th grade graduation. She's probably still the reason I am fond of wearing black to this day. I'd like to commemorate her, and the only original O.G. cast of Hole on this cold, foggy morning....

Annette Funicello is spinning in her grave.

And can't forget Charlotte

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrWN0-MuK38

I guess my current girl crush is on Katy Perry

this video is cheesy good to me and i kinda really love the song :)

http://vimeo.com/16307617

Music rec: Twin Shadow!

Been diggin' this dude's style and wanna share that style with you.

Twin Shadow is the name, and being a dope ass one-man-band is his game. He hails from Brooklyn and sounds like a Greatest Hits collection of all those bands everyone loves, but don't hold that against him! Let's not kid ourselves - this is pop music. But I like the vibe and really enjoy his singing voice.

Two selections for ya...

"Slow" - probably my favorite song at the moment

"Castles in the Snow"

I want to know more

1. What are all four of your grandparents' names? Which ones of them are still alive?

2. What one song you like a lot right....NOW?

3. What band do you like a lot right...................MEOW?

4. What activities make you loose track of time?

5. Name five foods or beverages that have good memories attached to them?

6. If you could choose any celebrities to be your mom and dad, who would they be?

7. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

8. If you could live inside a movie, which one would it be?

9. How many legit cousins do you have? Do you know all of their names?

10. What's your favorite seasonal food you like to eat in winter? spring? summer? fall?

11. When you can't sleep, what do you do?

12. What is the next adventure you'd like to go on in the realistic near future?

13. What color do you think looks dreadful on you?

14. What are your two favorite colors to wear together?

15. At what age should someone have called the fashion police on you?

16. What sweet treat do you enjoy most lately?

17. How do you treat pennies? Do you save them? Throw them away?

18. What's one thing you won't skimp on when purchasing?

19. What's something you get mad at yourself for doing, but you do it anyway?

20. And most importantly, what's your favorite Disney movie?

Spinecrackers photoshoot

Sarah Beth


Ashley Elizabeth


Megan Marie


Katherine "Tate" Kelly


Tianna Marie

Love n' shit

Heylo ladies,

blah blah blah This American Life. Whatever! I gotta do it.

I just listened to a really nice episode (below) called Valentine's Day '98. I've been thinking a lot about love and death and separation lately. When I've had a really great time with Morgan I almost mourn it as it's leaving us. I keep thinking, 'these are the things I won't remember'. In our old age each of us will have a decent handful of memories of our experiences, but I'm greedy and I want all of them. A lot of what is going on right now we will not remember exactly or perhaps at all. I find myself getting sad about it! What a waste of time. Anyway, I'm trying to stay in the moment and live it, rather than getting sad.

I think that's why this episode really fell on my heart like a kid after jumping on a cal-king size bed. They focus on long-time loves. I won't bore you with all the details, but if you're up for it, have a listen. Oh! On a Spinecrackers note, I very much appreciate the writing in the first and last stories.

Warning: the last act is very descriptive, though quite beautifully, of the final stages of ones life as they battle cancer :( It's not like a boo hoo just for the sake of boo hooing story, but it is in there.

Gotta go,
XO
xo
exoh,
meegan

PEE ESS will someone please get some of this hair or what?























I got this image from this blog by searching for "love n shit"
http://www.thestylebitches.com/

Susan Powter stops insanity, only to return to it 15 years later

Hands in the air if you remember Susan Powter.


I always thought she was kind of a babe with her tiny platinium hairs and saucy attitude. Almost a Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl if it weren't for that sneaking suspicion that she'd burn your house down, then make a weird phone call to your mom if you ever did her wrong.

If you don't remember Susan Powter, perhaps this'll JOG (haha get it? Fitness humor!) your memory:

(note: I really wanna get the choreography down at the 0:13 mark - "Diets. Don't. Work.")

Anyway, would you believe me if I told you that I had breakfast with Susan Powter yesterday?? And by "breakfast with", I mean I ate breakfast while watching her YouTube channel.

In the true spirit of this 90s revival that's supposed to be happening, Susan Powter is back. Turns out she's a fan of video blogging in public places, organic pears, and passive-aggressively scolding parents while they are standing right next to her. I'm not sure why, but I like her style. The way she repeats herself passionately and says ordinary words with great drama.

No longer championing the cause of stopping insanity, Susan Powter is now embracing it on YouTube. Please post your favorite Susan moments!