I'd like to share my special Christmas present with all of my kindred spirits (sorry, I just watched Anne of Green Gables). This year in my family, we did it secret santa style. I asked if everyone was cool with a handmade gift, which to my surprise, I got one giant thumbs up across the board. On this 2010 xmas morn, I opened my prez, and lo and behold, it was a handmade present. My grandma wrote me a poem and had it framed. She reminisces with me FREQUENTLY (as only grandma's do) about how I used to love when she'd get me sailor dresses, which has led her to forever think of me when she sees anything having to do with sailors, the sea, etc. So I knew from the title that this poem was going to make me feel gut wrenching love for her, and could quite possibly bring me to tears in the middle of a large group of nosey italians. I made it through with a knotted throat and clenched teeth. She emailed it to me later "just in case." She's written piles of poems, gotten published in newspapers, magazines, etc., and I feel honored that she took the time to write this one just for me.



The Little Girl in a Sailor Dress




Reminiscent of sailing

a drifting away she would

one day do

As though we knew

we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The quick smiles

the giggles

laughter like small waves rippling

in a stream

The dreamer whose eyes looked

into distance

beckoning the world to be hers

so we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The faraway looks

that exposed her soul

We had to have seen it all




The seafarer

eager to set sails

on foreign shores

magic cities to capture

Sinbad, her secret lover

enticing her with stories

of lands to be explored

mountains to climb

and rivers to cross


But it was not yet to be

too many moons had still

to glide across translucent skies

for the Little Girl in a Sailor dress


Time now

unwrapped

Her wayfaring heart

eager to pause

to rest

in a city by the sea

while her eyes set on new horizons

to explore promises made

by the Little Girl in a Sailor Dress

grams 1942

Lady love: Nina Hagen

("Born in Xixax" - my favorite Nina Hagen song)

Reconsidermentfactor

New Years Attempts for 2011!
I'm not much into resolutions, but I AM into trying to make myself a better person as best I know how. SO I MADE A LIST!

1. Accept the grey areas. I'm an extremist that physically can't wrap my brain around a grey area (think of bacon wrapped dates). It's all or nothing, balls to all the walls, black or white, do or die, etc., etc.. (hence my catch phrase, "fuck it").

2. Would you like some pasta with your cheese? I'm going to try, just TRY, to eat less cheese. This food makes me so physically, emotionally, longitudinally, latitudinally happy/high while I'm eating it, that I could never give it up. I just know it's contributing heavily (literally) to my chubbiness over the years. So instead of half a brick of cream cheese on my bagel, it'll be a quarter. Instead of 30 tbls of parmesan on my pasta, it'll be 15. It's a start!

3. Make learning more of a process. I solely blame the internet for not retaining anything I learn from it. I really don't spend a lot of time surfing the net, but it's definitely awoken from it's r.e.m. sleep to tell me the names of the three chipettes. Real dictionary vs. online dictionary is a good place to start for me.

4. Subduing my baditude/sass mouth/red hot temper: We've all got one in there somewhere, mine just happens to reside in my frontal cortex controlling all of the my thoughts and actions. Sometimes it comes in handy, some (most) times it gets me in trouble. I can't even tell you how many things I've secretly smashed, openly broken, or just plain smacked up until the age of 20. I've turned my temper into nervous laughing which has been a pretty cool alternative I guess. Thus began my 20s of crass/rude/blunt commentary which would result in me thinking, "shit why did I just say that!" It's not to hurt anyone's feelings, it's stating my loudmouth opinion. The last year or so, I've been noticing that I'll say my usual shit but not feel my usual tinge of regret. Which is GOOD, but I just need to be more polite BEFORE opening my mouth. If only I could learn how to phrase things nicely. But just because I don't regret it, doesn't mean that it's right, right guys?

5. NO LIFE STANDARDS 2011!!!: For example: Do I want kids? Do I want kids because I feel like I should? Do I NOT want kids because that will make me apart of the elite mommy's club where mommy's can look down on what an easy life women without kids have? What do EYE want?!?! I may have never had a childhood dream about my wedding dress, but I've definitely always wanted kids. I just need to remember what I genuinely want, for realz!


Things I like to do, but could do more often for 2011's sake:

* wearing colors other than grey, black, light black, dark grey, greyish black (I love this, I just don't need to exclude every other color from my wardrobe)
* makeup/hair care/general grooming - I can't make any promises, but I'll try because it can be FUN
* keeping my house cleaner due to surprise guests
* write my dear Katherine more letters
* call my mother, father, grandmother, and aunt more often. Basically everyone in my family except Annie (since I talk to her like every freakin second of the day. am I saying it like it's a bad thing? I can't tell.)
* embracing my Italian culture to an even more annoying extent by learning how to cook every Italian meal I can muster.
* seeking out new music that isn't a one hit wonder, or some indie crap that I think I should like, but don't.

What are YOUR reconsidermentfactors for 2011??????

Thrift America??? or God Damn You, Alexa Chung

Old news to any Spinecracker who frequents Jezebel, but apparently "it girl" Alexa Chung is getting an Antiques Roadshow-style series on PBS. The premise? Hold on to your butts...

"On the show, [Chung] and Maya Singer, the series creator and the editor of special projects for Style.com, will comb the country's consignment shops, garage sales and flea markets for old clothing, furniture, music equipment and other potential treasures to use in various creative endeavors."

My first reaction was "pissed." Why the hell is the lady getting to live my/our dream? But then there was something that felt creepy about it to me.

There's an argument here about shopping in thrift stores because it's cool versus it being the only thing you can afford that is so trite that I'll not go into it here. But the "treasure hunting" spin adds a subtext of "There's good shit in here and these people are too stupid to realize it!!!" that rubs me the wrong way.

Granted, almost anyone who thrift shops would describe it as "treasure hunting," but the "treasure" is always subjective (my current "treasure" is a Chicago Bulls three-peat shirt). The subjective treasure is what makes thrift store shopping (for fun, not necessity) so great. From the descriptions I've read, it sounds like Chung's "treasure" is designer items and shit that's temporarily in style. Not to pose a Carrie Bradshaw-esque question, but when do we stop being thrift hunters and start being thrift poachers?

That said, I totally want to see this show. I can't be too much of an asshole about something that's not even on the air yet. But in my dreams, the show would offer thrifting tips that aren't ruled by someone's personal style (e.g. checking furniture for bed bugs, seasoning abused cast iron cookware) and would be hosted by all of us.

I think that I would die

After this hot mess....


and before this even hotter mess....


there was this absolutely perfect band. Notice the difference? It's Kristen Pfaff (all the way on the left). She had nothing to do with songs called Garbage Man and Teenage Whore, or agreed to have an album called Celebrity Skin. Kristen was apart of the wicked awesome album we actually grew to love Hole for, Live Through This. That might be the most listened to album that has ever been listened to (by me). It's an unspoken fact that Kurt Cobain wrote all of Courtney Love's songs on that album, but to me, the band wouldn't have been the same without Kristen Pfaff. She died of a heroin overdose when she was 27 and I was a fragile 13. She was later replaced by Melissa Aurfdermurfsmurfturd.....FAIL. Kristen was my "kind of goth kind of not" hero. She was my favorite before I had to settle for Courtney Love. She was the reason I died my hair black for my 8th grade graduation. She's probably still the reason I am fond of wearing black to this day. I'd like to commemorate her, and the only original O.G. cast of Hole on this cold, foggy morning....