Fuck-it list

A few days back, I got wind of this post wherein the blogess puts forth a modest proposal: the fuck-it list. We all know the basic premise of the bucket list; Megan even made a San Francisco bucket list post a few months back. The fuck-it list is the antithesis of the bucket list in its purest form: 5 things you know you DON'T want to do, ever, if your life. Particularly, things that seem important to other folks that you could care less about.

I've been chewing on this subject for a few days and here's what I've come up with:

1. Buying a new car - Every time I hear about someone buying a new car, my inner cheapass screams in horror. I think of taking $5000 and setting it on fire. I don't get it!


2. Having a big rack - Once I realized that my boobs were never, ever going to grow any more (even after a baby!), I figured it was time to make peace or find a good surgeon. And guess what, everyone? I'm almost to my goal of $5000! JK BFF.


3. Being rich - While my constant whining about how perpetually broke I am rightly suggests that I would like to be better off financially, I have zero desire to be filthy, stinkin' rich. It's overly romantic and problematic to go on about how "being poor adds character," but I do think it puts shit into perspective; a perspective where you realize you don't need a mansion because you don't want the hassle of buying all that furniture.

4. Getting lawfully wed - I picked this picture because I love a good wedding, and do think they can (and should!) be very beautiful. I just don't see myself ever getting married. Thankfully for me, the only thing about this fact that bums me out is missing out on getting nice cookware and towels.

And finally...
5. More kids - This one hurts a little. I always imagined that I'd have 2 kids, 2 years apart like my sister and I. I love kids. I love babies. I loved being pregnant. And I love being a mom. But I also love having free time. I love a social life. I love that Hanna's on autopilot now and can't imagine starting over with another one.

Your turn!

Friends!!

Not those friends! Us friends!!

I was hanging out on my ol' livejournal and thought, "gee, I sure do miss those lj friend quizes". Then I thought, let's do it on our blog! Let's learn more about each other. It's a really long quiz, but I want to know all your details, girl. Pretend we're in 4th grade at a sleep over and we just made up a routine then hopped into our sleeping bags armed with a flashlight. Go!


Part 1
1. Where does your name come from? (why did your parent(s) pick it)
2. What is your favorite thing to do alone?
3. What do you consider your best quality? (non-physical)
4. What would you like to change about yourself? (non-physical)
5. What makes you think of your Mom?
6. What makes you think of your Dad?
7. What is your absolute favorite possession?
8. Where were you born?
9. Where do you consider "home"?
10. What did you want to be when you grew up?
11. What was your first driving around town music? (when you or one of your friends first got a car/license, what did you listen to?)
12. What is the scariest/most dangerous situation you've ever been in?
13. What makes you extremely happy?
14. What are your top five fears in order of severity?
15. How would you describe yourself at age 7 (5 words max)?
16. How would you describe yourself at age 14 (5 words max)?
17. How would you describe yourself at age 21 (5 words max)?
18. How would you describe yourself now (5 words max)?


Part 2
the next ten questions are courtesy of Inside the Actor's studio haha
19. What is your favorite word?
20. What is your least favorite word?
21. What turns you on?
22. What turns you off?
23. What sound or noise do you love?
24. What sound or noise do you hate?
25. What is your favorite curse word?
26. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
27. What profession would you not like to do?
28. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Part 3
29. What is your favorite quality in:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna

30. How would you describe in one word:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna


P.S. If there are people you don't know very well, just make something up :)

SEEEYAAAA in the comments section. bye.

Awkward phase (26-year-old edition)

You know in a romantic comedy when the 57-year-old, pilates-obsessed stepmom is like, "You know, the older I get, the younger I feel" and everyone is thinking "UGH she's OBNOXIOUS"? No? Well, humor me for a minute here.

I'm gonna say it, everyone: the older I get, the younger I feel... and for the purpose of this melodramatic post, I mean that in the worst possible way.

One of the few clear memories I have from childhood the last 26 years is drawing a picture of what I would look like as an adult. In addition to thinking I would have long blonde hair, an extensive gown collection, big boobs, and better hygiene habits, I also thought I would look radically different. Considering this is what I was working with, can you blame me?


But as I grew older and - surprise! - just looked like an adult version of that and not an entirely different person, I slowly grew to accept that fate. Nonetheless, I have this version of "adulthood" that lingers. Adults are financially independent. Adults have loving monogamous relationships. Adults have tasteful and spartan decorating in their roomy, owned homes. Adults don't get regular pimples. And just for extra measure, I seem to be going through a 2nd awkward chubby phase.

Having a child is really the only way I feel like an adult, and I even question how well I do that. In so many ways, I long for that romanticized version of adulthood. Like some day I will just wake up and be 20 pounds lighter, have flawless, glowing skin, a respectable job, and a savings account (!!!!).

That's the American Way, ain't it? Just wish and it'll be so? I know to accomplish any of this crap, I need to actually work for it. Despite my seemingly spotty work ethic, I am indeed a firm believer in working hard toward things that really matter to you. So that leaves me in an awkward spot of asking myself, "how much does this actually matter to me?" Most of the items on my list are just BS norms and ideals, many rooted in the sexist, sizeist, classist, and ageist institutions I so staunchly oppose. It's awful seeing, and seeing clearly, that something is total bullshit, yet still giving it power to make you feel like a garbage can.

I don't have any answers really, and I'll assume that finding them comes with that mythical savings account. But I do have any audio pep talk. Ladies, for your consideration, I present "Take Me As I Am" by Mary J. Blige:

"Put my life all up in these songs this blog, just so you can feel me, so you can get the real me"

I feel like a total cheeseball when I talk about how much I love Mary J. Blige, but shit, she tells me what I need to hear, all too often. And for all its hysterics, I actually really love this video. As simple as the lyric is, I really feel Mary J. when she says "I can only be me" and that's what I need to remind myself of all the time.

It breaks my heart that all of us probably go through some version of this. It kills me to think that my beautiful, wonderful friends might also be over-analyzing their flaws; in my eyes, you're all perfect, just the way you are. But maybe I need to grant myself that same pass... maybe we all just need to take ourselves and each other as we are.