the part of you i have
the part of you i hide
the parts of you i hold
the parts you left behind
call on me
i'll be there always
I like to listen to this album as loud as I think my neighbors can stand and move my body to the music and feel the beats in a serious and thoughtful way.
I just went through the blog and commented on everything I marked in my mind to revisit. I realize that I haven't been super present as of late and I'd like to apologize to you. I wanted to remind you that even when I'm quiet, I'm here and I'm your friend. I haven't been the best friend and I'm sorry. I don't feel great. Things are changing. It makes me sad. As I'm looking forward to moving and getting out of this city I simultaneously love and can't stand, I find myself trying to avoid thinking about anything here. I need the change to be quick and final, but it drags on. I feel like I can't think here. Like I can't go outside and run around. I'm like an anxious dog that should not be in an apartment on Geary Street.
I know I will look back on this time here with you as one of the best times of my entire life. Already, everything we've experienced together seems larger than life. Don't give up on me yet. I'm still here. I'm sorry I've been negative. It feels like months have gone by and I haven't noticed. I know it's not like we'll never talk to each other again, but you know, we are going in different directions. I love people more than I let on and then miss them greatly. In high school, I'd get depressed every year when summer let out because I knew I wouldn't see everyone over the summer. That's kind of what this feels like. I feel like there is something good for me that I'm in need of on the other side of this, but I have to leave my friends to get there. ugh.
Anyywayyy, sorry for the dramatics. It's one of those nights. I love you. Back to work for me.