Monday, July 12, 2010


the part of you i have
the part of you i hide
the parts of you i hold
the parts you left behind

call on me
i'll be there always

I like to listen to this album as loud as I think my neighbors can stand and move my body to the music and feel the beats in a serious and thoughtful way.

I just went through the blog and commented on everything I marked in my mind to revisit. I realize that I haven't been super present as of late and I'd like to apologize to you. I wanted to remind you that even when I'm quiet, I'm here and I'm your friend. I haven't been the best friend and I'm sorry. I don't feel great. Things are changing. It makes me sad. As I'm looking forward to moving and getting out of this city I simultaneously love and can't stand, I find myself trying to avoid thinking about anything here. I need the change to be quick and final, but it drags on. I feel like I can't think here. Like I can't go outside and run around. I'm like an anxious dog that should not be in an apartment on Geary Street.

I know I will look back on this time here with you as one of the best times of my entire life. Already, everything we've experienced together seems larger than life. Don't give up on me yet. I'm still here. I'm sorry I've been negative. It feels like months have gone by and I haven't noticed. I know it's not like we'll never talk to each other again, but you know, we are going in different directions. I love people more than I let on and then miss them greatly. In high school, I'd get depressed every year when summer let out because I knew I wouldn't see everyone over the summer. That's kind of what this feels like. I feel like there is something good for me that I'm in need of on the other side of this, but I have to leave my friends to get there. ugh.

Anyywayyy, sorry for the dramatics. It's one of those nights. I love you. Back to work for me.



  1. p.s. Tin Man is another great song on that Future Islands album

  2. On a superficial level, I l-o-v-e this song and the recommendation you left in the comments. Seems like there's some cool shit coming out of Baltimore these days, which makes me want to add it to my fantasy road trip.

    To the meat (or veggie mock meat, for me), I can empathize where you are coming from. After getting accepted to graduate school and deciding to come out west, the period between making the decision and actually moving was agonizing. It's the weirdest thing wanting it to be over with already and wanting to draw it out for as long as possible at the same time.

    Do I miss my Chicago friends? Yes. Do I think about Chicago all the flippin time? Yes. But am I stoked on this new chapter? Hell yes. Moral of my story was that change is hard, but good. I miss Chicago friends but I still talk with and visit them whenever I can.

    What I'm trying to say is that I fully plan on being your annoying house guest as much as possible, and I hope to get the same in return.

    Nonetheless, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we'll miss you terribly! xoxox

  3. Thanks Tate! That was a really good motivational example. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. Reading it made me feel a lot better about things (for real). I think once I get there, I'll have a better perspective. I too plan on hopping on the train pretty often. The book club meetings will help me have a regular reason to get up there. Plus shows and the fact that both of us will miss everyone.

    I think I started to analyze why I feel so weird and then realized that I'd been extracting myself out of necessity so I can get this work done and subconsciously to prepare for the change. I didn't want anyone to think it was personal. I feel so good about moving. I have so many plans and creative feelings about post-SF. When I'm in Paso, I read, I think, I work efficiently, I go to bed at a decent hour and I feel good.

    Thanks for reading my sad sap post and turning the beat around. Now, let's go roller disco!


  4. there's no way i can compete with tate's comment, i always get intimidated to write anything when someone has gotten that thoughtful and articulate. BUT. you know i love you, i've known since you moved here that you were not here forever and have tried to soak up as much megan time as possible. how spoiled was i that you WORKED with me?!?! i just want to see you as much as possible, i'd like to nook you or just chill and watch a movie, or make stuff, i dunno, just something to do. i second the annoying houseguest notion, i'll be your kimmy gibbler. love you meggles.

  5. Thank you Sarah. It seems hard to believe that I stayed on your sofa for a week just over 3 years ago. Dude, we were so spoiled. I mean, what an ideal situation. I miss it! Let's nook or cranny or sew! In fact, Morgan got me a dress for my bday and I need to take it in. Perhaps we could watch a movie AND sew. Sew much fun to be had. yulk yulk. I can't wait to have you guys over. I've already laid out our place in my mind and there's a spot for everyone at the table in the front yard under lights and millions of stars. Yay for kimmy gibbler! haha. Love you girl!