Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"youth is wasted on the youth"
I guess you could say life is an adventure, but I disagree when I'm surrounding myself with food and laying in bed at 2pm to watch a movie I've seen 789 times. In my daydreams, I'm packing up Cameron, quitting our jobs and setting sail on the open road with no destination in sight. Yes, this is my 30th birthday year in case I haven't complained enough about it. And to be perfectly honest, I'm kinda freakin. My uneasiness lies in time....it's flyin the fuck past me and I can't live in the moment. I'm constantly looking towards the future and what it will be like and the things I need to do to prepare for it and yadayadayada, well this is my god damn future right now that I seem to be so preoccupied with.
I need to take a break from my uptight, annoyingly practical, guilt ridden, moody demeanor and throw all of my neuroses out the literal, yet figurative, window to see the person I can be without those things. Whether or not this changes me, I'll know that at least I tried and explored and let go and that has to mean something, to me that is. I want to force myself to tough it out in the middle of nowhere. I get paranoid and whiny and all I can think about is the luxuries of taking a bath and eating a snickers from a mini bar. I've never even been camping and I'd like to blame my parents for this, but I have too many fun memories in hotel rooms to be troubled by it. and ya know what? on a side note, blaming your parents for your problems is for suckers. Your parents are just people too and it's not my mom's fault that I never tasted a pear for the first 25 years of my life. She never liked pears, so she never had them in the house, big whoop. I'm an adult now and I can eat a pear whenever I feel like it (which is never because I tasted one and blaaaaahg they're gross). Point being, I just need to learn what my 30s are going to be all about and not live them like I'm in my 20s.
Things I need for a road trip that would make me feel enlightened:
1. Cameron. Honestly, I'd like to see what we're both capable of.
2. bali shag (I'm thinking about investing in a pipe)
3. Oscar Wilde books. I've been diggin the shit outta him lately. I always knew I would like him once I got around to reading his stuff, but I had no idea how we'd actually fall deeply in love
4. illuminating road trip music that makes me feel smart, like Joanna Newsom, Edith Piaf, or Hank Williams Sr.
5. cameras of all sorts. polaroid cameras, film cameras, digital cameras, toy cameras, video cameras
6. my ukulele and a harmonica for Cameron. possible scenario: sitting by a riverbed playing some Leadbelly
7. one of those beautiful handkerchiefs that women used to tie around their hair/head to ride in a convertible (this should be #1 on my list)
I think I'm in-between stages right now.
"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything." -Oscar Wilde
Thoughts on turning 30? Road trips? Music that makes you feel smart?
Posted by Ashley at 8:34 AM