I'd like to share my special Christmas present with all of my kindred spirits (sorry, I just watched Anne of Green Gables). This year in my family, we did it secret santa style. I asked if everyone was cool with a handmade gift, which to my surprise, I got one giant thumbs up across the board. On this 2010 xmas morn, I opened my prez, and lo and behold, it was a handmade present. My grandma wrote me a poem and had it framed. She reminisces with me FREQUENTLY (as only grandma's do) about how I used to love when she'd get me sailor dresses, which has led her to forever think of me when she sees anything having to do with sailors, the sea, etc. So I knew from the title that this poem was going to make me feel gut wrenching love for her, and could quite possibly bring me to tears in the middle of a large group of nosey italians. I made it through with a knotted throat and clenched teeth. She emailed it to me later "just in case." She's written piles of poems, gotten published in newspapers, magazines, etc., and I feel honored that she took the time to write this one just for me.



The Little Girl in a Sailor Dress




Reminiscent of sailing

a drifting away she would

one day do

As though we knew

we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The quick smiles

the giggles

laughter like small waves rippling

in a stream

The dreamer whose eyes looked

into distance

beckoning the world to be hers

so we dressed her

in sailor dresses


The faraway looks

that exposed her soul

We had to have seen it all




The seafarer

eager to set sails

on foreign shores

magic cities to capture

Sinbad, her secret lover

enticing her with stories

of lands to be explored

mountains to climb

and rivers to cross


But it was not yet to be

too many moons had still

to glide across translucent skies

for the Little Girl in a Sailor dress


Time now

unwrapped

Her wayfaring heart

eager to pause

to rest

in a city by the sea

while her eyes set on new horizons

to explore promises made

by the Little Girl in a Sailor Dress

grams 1942

Lady love: Nina Hagen

("Born in Xixax" - my favorite Nina Hagen song)

Reconsidermentfactor

New Years Attempts for 2011!
I'm not much into resolutions, but I AM into trying to make myself a better person as best I know how. SO I MADE A LIST!

1. Accept the grey areas. I'm an extremist that physically can't wrap my brain around a grey area (think of bacon wrapped dates). It's all or nothing, balls to all the walls, black or white, do or die, etc., etc.. (hence my catch phrase, "fuck it").

2. Would you like some pasta with your cheese? I'm going to try, just TRY, to eat less cheese. This food makes me so physically, emotionally, longitudinally, latitudinally happy/high while I'm eating it, that I could never give it up. I just know it's contributing heavily (literally) to my chubbiness over the years. So instead of half a brick of cream cheese on my bagel, it'll be a quarter. Instead of 30 tbls of parmesan on my pasta, it'll be 15. It's a start!

3. Make learning more of a process. I solely blame the internet for not retaining anything I learn from it. I really don't spend a lot of time surfing the net, but it's definitely awoken from it's r.e.m. sleep to tell me the names of the three chipettes. Real dictionary vs. online dictionary is a good place to start for me.

4. Subduing my baditude/sass mouth/red hot temper: We've all got one in there somewhere, mine just happens to reside in my frontal cortex controlling all of the my thoughts and actions. Sometimes it comes in handy, some (most) times it gets me in trouble. I can't even tell you how many things I've secretly smashed, openly broken, or just plain smacked up until the age of 20. I've turned my temper into nervous laughing which has been a pretty cool alternative I guess. Thus began my 20s of crass/rude/blunt commentary which would result in me thinking, "shit why did I just say that!" It's not to hurt anyone's feelings, it's stating my loudmouth opinion. The last year or so, I've been noticing that I'll say my usual shit but not feel my usual tinge of regret. Which is GOOD, but I just need to be more polite BEFORE opening my mouth. If only I could learn how to phrase things nicely. But just because I don't regret it, doesn't mean that it's right, right guys?

5. NO LIFE STANDARDS 2011!!!: For example: Do I want kids? Do I want kids because I feel like I should? Do I NOT want kids because that will make me apart of the elite mommy's club where mommy's can look down on what an easy life women without kids have? What do EYE want?!?! I may have never had a childhood dream about my wedding dress, but I've definitely always wanted kids. I just need to remember what I genuinely want, for realz!


Things I like to do, but could do more often for 2011's sake:

* wearing colors other than grey, black, light black, dark grey, greyish black (I love this, I just don't need to exclude every other color from my wardrobe)
* makeup/hair care/general grooming - I can't make any promises, but I'll try because it can be FUN
* keeping my house cleaner due to surprise guests
* write my dear Katherine more letters
* call my mother, father, grandmother, and aunt more often. Basically everyone in my family except Annie (since I talk to her like every freakin second of the day. am I saying it like it's a bad thing? I can't tell.)
* embracing my Italian culture to an even more annoying extent by learning how to cook every Italian meal I can muster.
* seeking out new music that isn't a one hit wonder, or some indie crap that I think I should like, but don't.

What are YOUR reconsidermentfactors for 2011??????

Thrift America??? or God Damn You, Alexa Chung

Old news to any Spinecracker who frequents Jezebel, but apparently "it girl" Alexa Chung is getting an Antiques Roadshow-style series on PBS. The premise? Hold on to your butts...

"On the show, [Chung] and Maya Singer, the series creator and the editor of special projects for Style.com, will comb the country's consignment shops, garage sales and flea markets for old clothing, furniture, music equipment and other potential treasures to use in various creative endeavors."

My first reaction was "pissed." Why the hell is the lady getting to live my/our dream? But then there was something that felt creepy about it to me.

There's an argument here about shopping in thrift stores because it's cool versus it being the only thing you can afford that is so trite that I'll not go into it here. But the "treasure hunting" spin adds a subtext of "There's good shit in here and these people are too stupid to realize it!!!" that rubs me the wrong way.

Granted, almost anyone who thrift shops would describe it as "treasure hunting," but the "treasure" is always subjective (my current "treasure" is a Chicago Bulls three-peat shirt). The subjective treasure is what makes thrift store shopping (for fun, not necessity) so great. From the descriptions I've read, it sounds like Chung's "treasure" is designer items and shit that's temporarily in style. Not to pose a Carrie Bradshaw-esque question, but when do we stop being thrift hunters and start being thrift poachers?

That said, I totally want to see this show. I can't be too much of an asshole about something that's not even on the air yet. But in my dreams, the show would offer thrifting tips that aren't ruled by someone's personal style (e.g. checking furniture for bed bugs, seasoning abused cast iron cookware) and would be hosted by all of us.

I think that I would die

After this hot mess....


and before this even hotter mess....


there was this absolutely perfect band. Notice the difference? It's Kristen Pfaff (all the way on the left). She had nothing to do with songs called Garbage Man and Teenage Whore, or agreed to have an album called Celebrity Skin. Kristen was apart of the wicked awesome album we actually grew to love Hole for, Live Through This. That might be the most listened to album that has ever been listened to (by me). It's an unspoken fact that Kurt Cobain wrote all of Courtney Love's songs on that album, but to me, the band wouldn't have been the same without Kristen Pfaff. She died of a heroin overdose when she was 27 and I was a fragile 13. She was later replaced by Melissa Aurfdermurfsmurfturd.....FAIL. Kristen was my "kind of goth kind of not" hero. She was my favorite before I had to settle for Courtney Love. She was the reason I died my hair black for my 8th grade graduation. She's probably still the reason I am fond of wearing black to this day. I'd like to commemorate her, and the only original O.G. cast of Hole on this cold, foggy morning....

Annette Funicello is spinning in her grave.

And can't forget Charlotte

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrWN0-MuK38

I guess my current girl crush is on Katy Perry

this video is cheesy good to me and i kinda really love the song :)

http://vimeo.com/16307617

Music rec: Twin Shadow!

Been diggin' this dude's style and wanna share that style with you.

Twin Shadow is the name, and being a dope ass one-man-band is his game. He hails from Brooklyn and sounds like a Greatest Hits collection of all those bands everyone loves, but don't hold that against him! Let's not kid ourselves - this is pop music. But I like the vibe and really enjoy his singing voice.

Two selections for ya...

"Slow" - probably my favorite song at the moment

"Castles in the Snow"

I want to know more

1. What are all four of your grandparents' names? Which ones of them are still alive?

2. What one song you like a lot right....NOW?

3. What band do you like a lot right...................MEOW?

4. What activities make you loose track of time?

5. Name five foods or beverages that have good memories attached to them?

6. If you could choose any celebrities to be your mom and dad, who would they be?

7. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

8. If you could live inside a movie, which one would it be?

9. How many legit cousins do you have? Do you know all of their names?

10. What's your favorite seasonal food you like to eat in winter? spring? summer? fall?

11. When you can't sleep, what do you do?

12. What is the next adventure you'd like to go on in the realistic near future?

13. What color do you think looks dreadful on you?

14. What are your two favorite colors to wear together?

15. At what age should someone have called the fashion police on you?

16. What sweet treat do you enjoy most lately?

17. How do you treat pennies? Do you save them? Throw them away?

18. What's one thing you won't skimp on when purchasing?

19. What's something you get mad at yourself for doing, but you do it anyway?

20. And most importantly, what's your favorite Disney movie?

Spinecrackers photoshoot

Sarah Beth


Ashley Elizabeth


Megan Marie


Katherine "Tate" Kelly


Tianna Marie

Love n' shit

Heylo ladies,

blah blah blah This American Life. Whatever! I gotta do it.

I just listened to a really nice episode (below) called Valentine's Day '98. I've been thinking a lot about love and death and separation lately. When I've had a really great time with Morgan I almost mourn it as it's leaving us. I keep thinking, 'these are the things I won't remember'. In our old age each of us will have a decent handful of memories of our experiences, but I'm greedy and I want all of them. A lot of what is going on right now we will not remember exactly or perhaps at all. I find myself getting sad about it! What a waste of time. Anyway, I'm trying to stay in the moment and live it, rather than getting sad.

I think that's why this episode really fell on my heart like a kid after jumping on a cal-king size bed. They focus on long-time loves. I won't bore you with all the details, but if you're up for it, have a listen. Oh! On a Spinecrackers note, I very much appreciate the writing in the first and last stories.

Warning: the last act is very descriptive, though quite beautifully, of the final stages of ones life as they battle cancer :( It's not like a boo hoo just for the sake of boo hooing story, but it is in there.

Gotta go,
XO
xo
exoh,
meegan

PEE ESS will someone please get some of this hair or what?























I got this image from this blog by searching for "love n shit"
http://www.thestylebitches.com/

Susan Powter stops insanity, only to return to it 15 years later

Hands in the air if you remember Susan Powter.


I always thought she was kind of a babe with her tiny platinium hairs and saucy attitude. Almost a Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl if it weren't for that sneaking suspicion that she'd burn your house down, then make a weird phone call to your mom if you ever did her wrong.

If you don't remember Susan Powter, perhaps this'll JOG (haha get it? Fitness humor!) your memory:

(note: I really wanna get the choreography down at the 0:13 mark - "Diets. Don't. Work.")

Anyway, would you believe me if I told you that I had breakfast with Susan Powter yesterday?? And by "breakfast with", I mean I ate breakfast while watching her YouTube channel.

In the true spirit of this 90s revival that's supposed to be happening, Susan Powter is back. Turns out she's a fan of video blogging in public places, organic pears, and passive-aggressively scolding parents while they are standing right next to her. I'm not sure why, but I like her style. The way she repeats herself passionately and says ordinary words with great drama.

No longer championing the cause of stopping insanity, Susan Powter is now embracing it on YouTube. Please post your favorite Susan moments!

Fuck-it list

A few days back, I got wind of this post wherein the blogess puts forth a modest proposal: the fuck-it list. We all know the basic premise of the bucket list; Megan even made a San Francisco bucket list post a few months back. The fuck-it list is the antithesis of the bucket list in its purest form: 5 things you know you DON'T want to do, ever, if your life. Particularly, things that seem important to other folks that you could care less about.

I've been chewing on this subject for a few days and here's what I've come up with:

1. Buying a new car - Every time I hear about someone buying a new car, my inner cheapass screams in horror. I think of taking $5000 and setting it on fire. I don't get it!


2. Having a big rack - Once I realized that my boobs were never, ever going to grow any more (even after a baby!), I figured it was time to make peace or find a good surgeon. And guess what, everyone? I'm almost to my goal of $5000! JK BFF.


3. Being rich - While my constant whining about how perpetually broke I am rightly suggests that I would like to be better off financially, I have zero desire to be filthy, stinkin' rich. It's overly romantic and problematic to go on about how "being poor adds character," but I do think it puts shit into perspective; a perspective where you realize you don't need a mansion because you don't want the hassle of buying all that furniture.

4. Getting lawfully wed - I picked this picture because I love a good wedding, and do think they can (and should!) be very beautiful. I just don't see myself ever getting married. Thankfully for me, the only thing about this fact that bums me out is missing out on getting nice cookware and towels.

And finally...
5. More kids - This one hurts a little. I always imagined that I'd have 2 kids, 2 years apart like my sister and I. I love kids. I love babies. I loved being pregnant. And I love being a mom. But I also love having free time. I love a social life. I love that Hanna's on autopilot now and can't imagine starting over with another one.

Your turn!

Friends!!

Not those friends! Us friends!!

I was hanging out on my ol' livejournal and thought, "gee, I sure do miss those lj friend quizes". Then I thought, let's do it on our blog! Let's learn more about each other. It's a really long quiz, but I want to know all your details, girl. Pretend we're in 4th grade at a sleep over and we just made up a routine then hopped into our sleeping bags armed with a flashlight. Go!


Part 1
1. Where does your name come from? (why did your parent(s) pick it)
2. What is your favorite thing to do alone?
3. What do you consider your best quality? (non-physical)
4. What would you like to change about yourself? (non-physical)
5. What makes you think of your Mom?
6. What makes you think of your Dad?
7. What is your absolute favorite possession?
8. Where were you born?
9. Where do you consider "home"?
10. What did you want to be when you grew up?
11. What was your first driving around town music? (when you or one of your friends first got a car/license, what did you listen to?)
12. What is the scariest/most dangerous situation you've ever been in?
13. What makes you extremely happy?
14. What are your top five fears in order of severity?
15. How would you describe yourself at age 7 (5 words max)?
16. How would you describe yourself at age 14 (5 words max)?
17. How would you describe yourself at age 21 (5 words max)?
18. How would you describe yourself now (5 words max)?


Part 2
the next ten questions are courtesy of Inside the Actor's studio haha
19. What is your favorite word?
20. What is your least favorite word?
21. What turns you on?
22. What turns you off?
23. What sound or noise do you love?
24. What sound or noise do you hate?
25. What is your favorite curse word?
26. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
27. What profession would you not like to do?
28. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Part 3
29. What is your favorite quality in:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna

30. How would you describe in one word:
Ashley
Kate
Katherine
Megan
Sarah
Tate
Tianna


P.S. If there are people you don't know very well, just make something up :)

SEEEYAAAA in the comments section. bye.

Awkward phase (26-year-old edition)

You know in a romantic comedy when the 57-year-old, pilates-obsessed stepmom is like, "You know, the older I get, the younger I feel" and everyone is thinking "UGH she's OBNOXIOUS"? No? Well, humor me for a minute here.

I'm gonna say it, everyone: the older I get, the younger I feel... and for the purpose of this melodramatic post, I mean that in the worst possible way.

One of the few clear memories I have from childhood the last 26 years is drawing a picture of what I would look like as an adult. In addition to thinking I would have long blonde hair, an extensive gown collection, big boobs, and better hygiene habits, I also thought I would look radically different. Considering this is what I was working with, can you blame me?


But as I grew older and - surprise! - just looked like an adult version of that and not an entirely different person, I slowly grew to accept that fate. Nonetheless, I have this version of "adulthood" that lingers. Adults are financially independent. Adults have loving monogamous relationships. Adults have tasteful and spartan decorating in their roomy, owned homes. Adults don't get regular pimples. And just for extra measure, I seem to be going through a 2nd awkward chubby phase.

Having a child is really the only way I feel like an adult, and I even question how well I do that. In so many ways, I long for that romanticized version of adulthood. Like some day I will just wake up and be 20 pounds lighter, have flawless, glowing skin, a respectable job, and a savings account (!!!!).

That's the American Way, ain't it? Just wish and it'll be so? I know to accomplish any of this crap, I need to actually work for it. Despite my seemingly spotty work ethic, I am indeed a firm believer in working hard toward things that really matter to you. So that leaves me in an awkward spot of asking myself, "how much does this actually matter to me?" Most of the items on my list are just BS norms and ideals, many rooted in the sexist, sizeist, classist, and ageist institutions I so staunchly oppose. It's awful seeing, and seeing clearly, that something is total bullshit, yet still giving it power to make you feel like a garbage can.

I don't have any answers really, and I'll assume that finding them comes with that mythical savings account. But I do have any audio pep talk. Ladies, for your consideration, I present "Take Me As I Am" by Mary J. Blige:

"Put my life all up in these songs this blog, just so you can feel me, so you can get the real me"

I feel like a total cheeseball when I talk about how much I love Mary J. Blige, but shit, she tells me what I need to hear, all too often. And for all its hysterics, I actually really love this video. As simple as the lyric is, I really feel Mary J. when she says "I can only be me" and that's what I need to remind myself of all the time.

It breaks my heart that all of us probably go through some version of this. It kills me to think that my beautiful, wonderful friends might also be over-analyzing their flaws; in my eyes, you're all perfect, just the way you are. But maybe I need to grant myself that same pass... maybe we all just need to take ourselves and each other as we are.

Things I love right now

Hello, hello, hello, hellooo,
It's 1993 in my heart.

can't stop listening to:



just bought these bad boys. not my style. totally bad ass girl boots, so I tried to tone them down with a cameo brooch. going to pair them with these next:

______________________________________________________________________________________

Been munching on this shizz (THANKS TATE!) I think I'm going to make it this weekend at home:

I'm even having a tender phase toward c.lo. taking this pic to aveda tomorrow to get cut 'n' color:
side note: new favorite blog:
http://whatcourtneyworetoday.com/

also in heavy rotation:




annnnnnnd finally, this shit has changed my life!

I AM OBSESSED! It looks like colgate shaving cream or something, and it's only $6 at drug stores. It's a dry shampoo and it totally rules when you're a dirty bitch with greasy hair who has to look big business every day. It's also awesome for when you are actually ontop of your shit and have that dreaded, fluffy, freshly washed-can't do anything with it kinda hair. LOVE LOVE LOVE. It also smells like heaven. Just saying. Quit paying $25 for shitty dry shampoo from sephora, and quit being ghetto (like me up until I discovered this) and stop putting baby powder on your roots. It's bomb. Trust.


Update on my favorite nail polish everrrrrr. Essie made a new color that I thought was comparable, called turquoise and caicos. I am sad to report that though it's a lovely shade. It just doesn't compare to my beloved Greenport. Sad face. TOO GREEN. :(

Kiki D

Kirsten Dunst is my celebrity girl crush. I know she's not the greatest of actresses, or the prettiest of vampires, but I love her and will see any movie she's in and buy any magazine she's on the cover of. Some of my Kiki D favorites include Little Women, Dick, Spiderman(s), Kiki's Delivery Service, Fifteen & Pregnant, All I Wanna Do, Get Over It, Drop Dead Gorgeous, and BRING IT ON!!!














Whose your favorite celebrity girl crush ONTD?